America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Rushed To The Emergency Room

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
To Wong Furonda

Tyra Mail! "Burn your bikinis. You'll have to rock it in a pair of trunks." There is no time for speculation, because Danielle is still sick. Furonda tries to wake her up, and Danielle voices over that her whole face is hurting, and she's not well. She says that she knows she feels this way because she went against the doctor's orders and left the hospital, and that she's in no shape to do a photo shoot. As my girlfriend said while we were watching this, "Drink some water." Danielle is battling with herself, because she does want to throw her hands up and go home. But I'm sure she'll bust out some of that "Quitters never win, and my mom has crippling arthritis!" business soon after we get back from commercials.

Meanwhile, Nicole is STILL at fashion week, because her Life as a Cover Girl lasted approximately 168 hours. She met with the folks at Ford, who talked about the successful models that they've launched. Please note that Naima is not one of them. In other news from the corporate world, Queen Latifah is still radiant, and kids love chicken nuggets.

When we return, Danielle tells us that she was not only suffering from dehydration, but from "exhaustion, and a little bit of food poisoning," as well. Did Danielle hire Lindsay Lohan's publicist? She's frustrated about missing a challenge, and has to dig deep within and find her drive. Furonda interviews that if Danielle misses the photo shoot, she'll probably have to go home.

The girls head to a place called Jungle House, where Jay Manuel is carried in on an elephant. Okay, that is pretty awesome. Jade interviews that to be next to a creature "that preposterous and that big" was Sometimes I feel like that about Jade, and I've only ever seen her through the TV screen. Today's shoot is for a new Venus razor that vibrates. Is that really necessary? Do you really want a sharp metal object doing that? And aren't razor blades expensive enough? The shoot will be in the middle of a jungle, in a location that can only be accessed on the back of an elephant. Those elephants must have had a lot of work getting the hair and makeup and cameras and trailers deep in the inaccessible jungle. After they get to their destination, the elephants will have their harnesses taken off and the girls will get to pose with them. Janice Dickinson would be all over this shoot, and probably cause one of the elephants to file a sexual-harassment claim. Sara says that she automatically starts thinking about the poses that she can do because she needs more variety. Jay asks Danielle what her long face is all about, and she says, "They're huge." Stop looking at Joanie's veneers and pay attention to the task at hand! Jay says that the elephants are also gentle, and we see one spraying itself with water...and it is the best. Then, for good measure, there is a shot of a monkey eating a banana. I guess that's to remind us about Jay's important role in the show.

Jay notes that the girls are in for a rocky ride on the elephants. They have to cross a river and everything. The poor elephants. Danielle looks like she might be sick. Jay tells the girls to get some water, I guess to let us know that Danielle's illsness is not the fault of the show. Furonda says that she's had to work harder than the rest of the girls at being more graceful, and she's not about to let this opportunity slip through her long, E.T. phone home fingers. The photographer for the shoot is Pongsak Tangtiwaja. Jay tells the girls that the concept of the shoot is to compare their smooth legs with the rough skin of the elephant. I wonder what a Botoxed elephant would look like. Speaking of, have you seen Kenny Rogers's face lately? Sweet Jesus. I love the man and all, but it is both time to walk away and to run. And while I'm at it, the internet is a marvelous thing. Jay shills razors for a while, and then sends the girls to a "shaving station," where they lather up and shave away. It reminds me of the time on the first season of Survivor, when Sue Hawk was giving an interview while shaving her legs with Dr. Sean's razor. TV was such a delight back in the day.

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America's Next Top Model




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