America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Licks the Floor

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Pwn pwn steampunk pwn America votes!

The girls return home to find Laura's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Laura, of course, is thrilled at herself for being so perfect, with the straight 10s in panel and a challenge victory. Laura says that she's always felt like she lives in the shadow of her parents, given that -- you may not have heard -- her dad was on Dynasty and her mom was a full-time model. But Laura is eager to prove to the world that she deserves this and doesn't need her parents' help. That's probably why she is so low key about the whole situation and hardly ever mentions them. It's very small-town girl of her.

While Laura continues to admire herself, Victoria is the same big crazy mess as always. She was in the bottom two for the first time last week, and says that at the moment Tyra revealed who was eliminated she was losing feeling in her feet and her breathing was getting strained. How much feeling do you think Victoria has in her feet on a normal basis? Are her feet extra sensitive like the rest of her? Does the little toe cry and cry because it's so far away from the big toe and misses it and can't taste toejam without it? We are reminded that Tyra was kind of almost nice to Victoria, giving her a place to lean so she wouldn't actually pass out. Such a nurturer, that one. Victoria tells the other girls that her near blackout was a result of being so stressed out, and they are like duh.

Perhaps inspired by all the drama that surrounded her last sojourn in the Tyra Suite, Laura decides that she will not invite a friend to share in the spoils this time. Learning from the wisdom of Victoria! This is a competition, after all, and also there are times when you just want to get away from some bitches. Meanwhile, Allyssa says that she wants to earn her time in the Tyra Suite, and not just be the invited guest of a superior model. She correctly points out that no one remembers the person who comes in second. They are, after all, the first loser. Unless that first loser is Clay Aiken, in which case you could never forget the dulcet tones of "On the Wings of Love" bursting forth from his crooked little mouth. I was so into him on the last season of Celebrity Apprentice, too. It made me feel a little weird inside, to be honest. Allyssa says that that she hasn't found her full potential yet, but once she does, she's not letting go. This is a dead giveaway that she's going home, right? Allyssa tells us that there's a lot at stake for her, representing as she does the much-maligned and degraded curvy Brazilian women. Yes, you NEVER hear anything good about that particular subgroup, or see them gracing the pages of your Victoria's Secret catalog or anything. What a bunch of dogs, says society! Your perfect voluptuous ass just broke the camera!

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America's Next Top Model

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