America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Loves Bubbles And Talks To Plants

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Coryn's Got A Secret

Meanwhile, Lisa is loving the hot tub and covering herself with bubbles. There are so many bubbles that it's like that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby used a whole box of detergent in the washing machine, or right before Mike Teevee got miniaturized in the original Willy Wonka. And wouldn't it be great if Wonkavision suddenly made Lisa the size of a Hershey's miniature, forcing Coryn to carry her around in her purse? They'd have to photograph her with a serious zoom lens. I'd also love to see her dance moves as she is trying to balance on top of a spice jar or something. Kim confessionalizes that Lisa is constantly needing to be the center of attention, much like Kim herself is constantly needing to speak in the present progressive tense. (Lest you think I know anything about grammar, I totally had to look that up.) A very, very drunk Lisa then slurs, "Iiiiii don't know aabaaaht anybody else but Iiiii wuv bubbles!" She blows some bubbles, and then stands up and kind of writhes around, going, "Bubbles." Kyle is wearing a self-fashioned bubble fedora. She interviews that there's something weird about Lisa and she can't really figure out what it is. I think that's because Lisa is what's weird about Lisa. See what happens when you don't buy things for your kids, moms of the world? Lisa stretches the skin between her eyelids and chin and then takes off her top in the hot tub.

Bre interviews that Lisa drinks, and is going through whole bottles of wine in less than forty-five minutes. We see Lisa grab for an actual, like, plastic Ikea tumbler that's half full of red wine. And call me a purist, but I actually think that -- unless you're, like, at the beach or on a picnic or fourteen or something and have no wine glasses available -- drinking wine from a plastic cup is kind of indicative of a problem. Also, I'm having sympathetic dehydration pains. Lisa stands up and the bubbles are sliding off her and she practically has an inverse bosom, she's so flat. As a fellow A-cupper, I sympathize, but also am pleased that someone on earth is more flat-chested than I. Lisa slurs to another bubble-covered girl, "I almost feel like the bubbles are owning you, and you aren't owning the bubbles." If she is making fun of Panel, then I say awesome. Jayla interviews that everyone is pretty much sick of Lisa. Lisa (glass of wine in hand) walks around in bikini shorts, a giant cowboy hat, and a sparse layer of bubbles and mutters to herself, "I don't understand why I don't have any friends." I have to say that, while I would really find Lisa irritating if I had to live with her, this display of hilarious drunkenness has really given her new life in my eyes. I kind of like her again. Jayla says that maybe Lisa will get eliminated for being all over the place, and the rest of them will be off the hook for another week. Lisa almost slips and falls, but catches herself just in time.

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America's Next Top Model

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