In Naima's Life as a Cover Girl, she gets to meet the somewhat aged winner of a makeover in New York City. She gives her patented "Wooow!" when she learns that Outlast Smoothwear was used on the woman's lips. Naima says she told "her" that if she wants any more makeup tips, she should log on to CoverGirl.com. Sounding somewhat resigned and aware of her patheticism, Naima quietly ends, "This is my life as a Cover Girl." I think they cut it right before she added, "Isn't it boring?"
When we return, it is a bright and sunny day in L.A. Bastards. Tyra walks in the girls' house in a bright pink tank top and tiny cropped jacket. She calls all the girls together. Kyle is embarrassed because she still has curlers in her hair. Who wears curlers? Also, Kyle looks like a rather fetching cross between Jessica Simpson and Tori Spelling when Donna Martin had red hair and owned that clothing boutique. I know that sounds like a recipe for disaster and fug, but it all works out on the pretty end. Anyway, Tyra has conveniently come to talk to the girls about vices. She says, "So what about vices? Are you guys dealing with, like, any...vices...or anything?" Easy, breezy, and subtle. Bre says that her vice is sleep, and that sleep restores a person and helps her to get ready for the next photo shoot. At least, that's what seven hours a night does for me. Also, not a vice. But at least Bre gave it a shot whereas the other girls were like, "Miami Vice? What does that have to do with modeling?" Tyra asks who smokes, and Jayla and Kim raise their hands. Tyra gives a "smoking is bad" lecture, saying that 98% of models smoke or have smoked to keep their weight off. Tyra says that her grandmother died of lung cancer, and so did mine, so I got a little sad right then. She adds that, on a purely superficial level, smoking destroys your face and will cut your career in half. Tyra says that her vice is fatty foods, and that even if someone were to tell her that fatty foods cut a model's career in half, she "ain't gonna put down the Twinkie." She appreciates how hard it is to give up a vice, is what she's saying. Also, cute.
Tyra asks if anyone else has vices, and Lisa says that she drinks wine. Tyra asks if she's a wino, and Lisa brightens up and says, "Yeah!" Tyra laughs, but I'm sure it's a sad laugh inside. She asks Lisa if she has to drink every day, and Lisa says, "No, I don't have to." But she does nonetheless, is the unspoken half of that answer. She says that wine is relaxing to her. Further going down the "R U an alcoholic?" checklist that she found online, Tyra asks whether Lisa drinks to get drunk, and Lisa says no. Tyra looks skeptical. But seriously, who doesn't drink to get at least a little drunk or at least feel some effect? It's what gives alcohol its charm. If you want hydration, you get a glass of water or some Tang. Kyle interviews that she was mad that Lisa lied to Tyra to her face. Tyra leaves without any actual intervention, but with plans for one -- i.e. a visit from Mama -- in the works. Dramality!