America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Makes The Grade

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 2 USERS: C
College Knowledge

With the photo shoot over, the models head to the "social media room." This is a room with some laptops and a wireless connection. That's VERY high-tech! The photos of the top 30 are posted online, where fans and haters get to comment on them. I am actually starting to feel that this concept is rather cruel and unusual. As someone who has worked in this medium for many a year, and is also just a citizen of the world, I can state with certainty that the level of discourse that you find on The Internets can be, well, problematic. I include myself in this -- I mean, I spent like seven cycles just talking about how many ribs Tyra eats. I hope these ladies have thicker skins than usual. Leila tells us about how the girls get to tell their friends and families to give them positive votes in real time, and it's so groundbreaking. Did anyone out there even know this was happening at the time? If any of you did, I feel like you would have alerted me. No one even knew that this premiere was happening! I'm only here because my editors alerted me!

And then we get to the best part of every premiere, the individual interviews in front of the judging panel. Laura from Paul Smith's College is the first one that we see. She's studying hotel resort and tourism management. Laura has made several comments about how she's just a li'l ole' small town girl from Dogpatch gosh golly, but it turns out that her dad is Jeff Colby from Dynasty, and her mom was Miss Australia and competed in the Miss World pageant. You know, just your average farmers' daughter, washing her clothes in the crick every Sunday morning! Rob was impressed by Laura in the walk-off, but Johnny thinks that she looks too much like a publicist in person. This prompts Tyra to rip up her dress in a more skanky fashion and dump a glass of water over her head. Well NOW she looks high fashion! The judges seem to like Laura's photo, as does one quoted fan.

Next we have Brittany, from Chandler-Gilbert Community College. She is VERY excited, and also a business major with a minor in psychology. I think Brittany should put some of her notable energy into studying hard and transferring to a four-year college. Oh, but wait! A huge Disney fan, she's been accepted into the Disney College program. If you're anything like me, you're asking, "What the fuck is that?" To the best that I can determine, it's a program where you pay to work in a Disney theme park. And you have to meet appearance requirements! (I love how all of the photos on the Disney Look page are basically screaming, "WE SWEAR WE'RE NOT SAYING THAT YOU HAVE TO BE WHITE.") Anyway, I'm sure it's a very valuable learning experience. Tyra likes Brittany's spice, and the fans seem to like her, even though she has the crazy eyes. We see Brittany and Laura Skype-ing with their families, and when Laura tells her parents that America gets a vote, her mom goes, "OH NO!" Hahahaha. Then Laura says that she's going to reach out to all the little small town girls, because she is into perpetuating giant scams.

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America's Next Top Model




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