America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Makes The Grade

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 2 USERS: C
College Knowledge

Next we have Destiny, my one true love, who is at the Aveda Institute for cosmetology. She cries with excitement, and then tells her sob story. Her mom kicked her out of the house at 14, and she ended up in a group home when she was 16. She was poor and hungry and homeless, and maybe IS poor and hungry and homeless currently as well. Tyra asks how she manages to get food, and Destiny cries as she says that sometimes her friends will take her to dinner. Tyra then prompts her to admit that sometimes she dumpster-dives. She could at least be kind enough to frame it as if Destiny is a freegan. As opposed to Tyra's exploitation masked as compassion, Rob kindly tells Destiny that his story is similar to hers. He got kicked out at a young age, had no money, and trained his ass off as a boxer because he had no home. His trainer would feed him and let him stay at the gym. He relates to Destiny, and tells her that what happened to her in the past will definitely make her stronger. Destiny's photo is underwhelming, but Rob likes it and Tyra is impressed at her drive.

And then it's time for the parade of losers! First and most loser-ish of all is Ivory. Her thing is that she's a complete crackpot with a missing tooth, and can also fit her fist into her mouth. Allyssa is notable for having "BO$$" tattooed on the inside of her lip (and, eventually, for stealthily making it through to the final 13). Amber from Texas Tech University's special talent is that she can kind of shake her booty. Then there's crazy stripes and leopard print lady Briana, who sings a Pot Ledom song, terribly. Christin is maybe a cheerleader, and Jasmine meows. A lot. Tyra hisses at her, because that's how this whole thing works.

And then finally we get to crazy Victoria! Tyra points out that Victoria is awfully mature for 18, and Victoria says that she's a 50-year old lady on the inside. I'd give her flak for this, but I kind of feel that way too. I have the soul of a Golden Girl, and I'm okay with that. The judges like Victoria's photo a bunch. Rob says that she's weird looking, but in a good way. Johnny says that her features are interesting and a bit off, including her bigger nose. Victoria then says that she has both Jewish and Native American heritage. Wait. She's Jewish? What on earth is she doing at Liberty University? The tag line for their online school LITERALLY is "Training champions for Christ since 1971." I did not make that up! Tyra reads aloud the words of an online commentator named Melissa who says that Victoria has a boring face, then asks Victoria to address said commentator via the camera. Victoria is characteristically weird, then talks about how her people were "led off" on the Trail of Tears and in the Holocaust, and finishes by saying that if Melissa has a problem with her face, she's racist. Well then. Johnny is like, "...No way is this one going to pass the psych test." Back in the social media room, Victoria Skypes with her mom, who is also her best friend, and cries a bunch. Something tells me we're going to be seeing a lot of that. Backstage, the other girls talk a lot of shit about her, and do some really bang-up impressions, and Victoria hears it all. She's embarrassed, but says that her mom told her to expect such things since this is the first time she'll have been around other actual humans. She's not going to let any of the shit-talk get under her skin, or so she claims. It's not easy being a trained champion for Christ!

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America's Next Top Model




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