And, indeed, the girls are going to their Brentwood home. As has become increasingly typical, the house is amazing. Bitches. The house is also decked out with giant photos of Tyra on the cover of Tyra Magazine. Awww! Tyra has a fake magazine to go with her fake talk show! Brooke says that when she saw the giant photo of Tyra she thought, "Uh...I've made it." The editors cut her before she finishes with, "Into the first circle of hell." The girls squeal and scream and run through their pimped-out pad, which may or may not have bedding courtesy of either Target or Ikea. Jaeda says that there are pictures of Tyra everywhere, and Megan also notes that there's a Tyra Magazine theme throughout the whole house. This is, of course, just an excuse to show us all of the giant photos of Tyra.
Tyra voices over her "letter from the editor" that is posted on the wall. It goes a little something like this: "Welcome to Tyra, the magazine dedicated to all you aspiring divas, billboard beauties, and runway show stoppers who might need a tip or two now that you've got one stiletto in the door of the international fashion biz. I created this publication for the fashion muses of tomorrow who aren't afraid to go after their dreams today. Best of luck, and remember, readers -- if you have issues with an issue, don't just sit there. Tell me about it! In the confessional. XOXO, Tyra." What she doesn't voice over, but which you can see if you pause just right on the shot of the letter, is this chunk from the middle: "I am going to be offering advice on how to get swept up in the fabulous world of fashion without getting swept away by it. Whether it's a serious health-and-diet topic like, 'Starving Ain't Cute, So Don't Do It!' or a light-hearted lesson in 'Fashion Don'ts: Why Black Lipliner Is Not Your Friend,' I'll be here with you along this wild, glitter-drenched evil [that part might not be right, it's hard to see] ride that will end with one of you becoming America's Next Top Model." I think, "A wild, glitter-drenched evil ride" should be Top Model's new tag line. Some of the girls run out to the pool, where A.J. strips down to her underwear and jumps in. Wild, glitter-drenched, evil. Just like the letter said!
Meanwhile, Brooke tells us that there were eleven beds for thirteen girls. Oooh, that is harsh. She says that Monique and Christian were the unfortunate losers in the bed situation. It appears that they will have to sleep on big bean bags. Monique says that she is not sleeping on any damn bean bags. So, she says, "I politely moved [Eugena's] stuff, and marked my territory." She does this by pouring bottled water on the bed. Monique interviews that she deserved a bed (and what doesn't she deserve, really) and so was going to fight for it. She sprawls out on Eugena's bed. Eugena comes in the room and says, "Get off my bed, Monique." She then asks why the bed is so wet. Monique, who appears to be holding a giant "magic wand" -- not that I know what that is, mom -- in her hand, says that she decided to pee on the bed today. She must expect people to believe that she moved crab-like side to side while doing so, because there are two kidney-shaped spots about a foot apart. I don't think that Eugena believes the pee story, because she actually touches the wet spots. Some of the other girls stand around and watch, but no one really knows what to do in the face of such brazen bitchfacery. Commercials.