America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Marks Her Territory

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Sister Christian, Oh, The Time Has Come

Next, we have Jaslene, who says that every day is a fashion opportunity for her. She is wicked skinny, and also crazy. She goes through a number of poses from sexy lingerie to catalogue. Miss J. says that he doesn't think she looks drag, she just has a drag personality. They all wave a finger at her and say, "fiiiiiierce!" in unison.

Then, Fucking Melrose. Tyra notes that her real name is Melissa Rose. Melrose says that she doesn't need the "issa." It's a good thing Jane Siberry was around to snatch that up. Melrose says that people remember Melrose, as opposed to Melissa Rose, which sounds like a country singer. Hey, shut up about country singers, Melrose Place. Melrose says that she wants to show America what top models are, and what women who really want things are like. Stop giving the misogynists ammunition! Melrose says that she can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. Miss J. says he can see that she can be a complete bitch. Us, too, Miss J. Melrose loves high fashion and made a lot of the clothes that she is wearing. Jay asks her to name top fashion designers who are relevant to the industry now. She does know her stuff. Never fear, though, she still sucks.

Next is LeAngela, twenty-one, from Columbus, Ohio, who was the first African-American homecoming queen in her town. Tyra asks her to talk about her experience with her mother and being dropped off at Child Protective Services. The Tragedy-O-Meter is quivering in anticipation. LeAngela says that they were coming out of staying in a homeless shelter, and her mom dropped her off and never came back. LeAngela was ten-years-old. She had to stay in foster care for a few months, which was one of the worst experiences of her childhood. Does that mean that her mom came back for her or that she got adopted? Hmm. LeAngela says that she went from homeless to homecoming queen, which would be a great tag line for a movie starring Lindsay Lohan. LeAngela wants to take things to a higher level. Jay says that if LeAngela made it to the next round of the competition, he thinks that she would get a big boost of confidence and take off. I give LeAngela an 8.5 on the Tragedy-O-Meter, which is still not enough to trump Megan's story of hypothermia.

Next there is Ginger, eighteen, whose sole purpose on earth is to annoy people, and who was a page for the House of Representatives for five months. She's a Republican, which you can tell immediately by her shifty eyes. Tyra notes that the fashion industry has gay boys and sex, and how will Ginger the Republican deal with it. Ginger says that she's not afraid to get out there and meet people and see what's different. Tyra says that Ginger is standing on the pulpit and is saying things she thinks are correct, but there is a girl under there that doesn't have this veneer. She asks who Ginger really is, and, as she tells them, Jay goes up and starts teasing Ginger's hair, and then Tyra tells her to shake her rack and drop it like it's hot. Ginger does. See what happens once you mention gay boys and sex to Republicans? They lose their minds.

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America's Next Top Model

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