America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Marks Her Territory

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Sister Christian, Oh, The Time Has Come

Jaeda is a straight-up man, according to the Jays, who would know, but Tyra argues that masculine women photograph well. Becky is safe, but there's something in her eye that says, "Don't sleep," according to Tyra. It says, "Don't sleep or I will smother you with a three-hundred-pound pig, you naked heathen." Brooke is a mess with her fake hair, and Jay notes that a lot of girls don't know how to style themselves when they start out. This somehow evolves into an excuse to mention Tyra's mom and flash a photo of her on the screen. Jay thinks that Brooke has something, and Tyra says that she raps, so has some flavor to savor. Jay says that Monique is the type of girl who could book cosmetic campaigns, high fashion editorials, and liquor. Even Tyra has to laugh at that. Tyra loves Amanda's energy and sex appeal. Jay says that she would be comfortable to work with. Tyra thinks that Michelle has the plain Jane model thing. Jay says that if he had to choose one, it would be Amanda. If Tyra had to choose one, it would be Michelle. If Miss J. had to pick one, it would be neither.

And now, it is time for Tyra to announce the thirteen finalists. It is evening, on the same roof deck where the girls posed all naked-like. Tyra begins to call names. There is Melrose, Jaeda, and Michelle, who is really, really surprised. Then there is Eugena and Brooke, who yells, "I've got a lot of personality you just can't bottle, here I am girls, I'm on America's Next Top Model." Can it with the rhymes, Nipsy Russell. Have I noted that there are a lot of quick reaction shots to a worried looking Amanda and Michelle? Because there are. Next there is Anchal, A.J., Christian and Megg. On Megg, Megan gives a little fisheye. Then Megan herself gets called, followed by CariDee. And then, at long last, there is Amanda. No one really claps for Amanda. Only one name is left. The last girl to join the herd of bitches is...Monique. She was just too heinous to be left behind. Monique cries that she's never been picked for anything, and Tyra goes on about how all the dark sisters are now looking up to her and thinking that they're beautiful too. As a dark sister, I concur.

As the winners scream and whoop, Tyra comforts the losers. Evita says that she sacrificed way more compared to the other girls. Well, if you hadn't got yourself knocked up in high school, you wouldn't have had to. She put her life on hold, blah blah blah. Ginger is partly sad that she didn't get to stay. Jaslene says that she's not giving up, and is coming back. Great.

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America's Next Top Model

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