Meanwhile, Brooke tells us that there were eleven beds for thirteen girls. Oooh, that is harsh. She says that Monique and Christian were the unfortunate losers in the bed situation. It appears that they will have to sleep on big bean bags. Monique says that she is not sleeping on any damn bean bags. So, she says, "I politely moved [Eugena's] stuff, and marked my territory." She does this by pouring bottled water on the bed. Monique interviews that she deserved a bed (and what doesn't she deserve, really) and so was going to fight for it. She sprawls out on Eugena's bed. Eugena comes in the room and says, "Get off my bed, Monique." She then asks why the bed is so wet. Monique, who appears to be holding a giant "magic wand" -- not that I know what that is, mom -- in her hand, says that she decided to pee on the bed today. She must expect people to believe that she moved crab-like side to side while doing so, because there are two kidney-shaped spots about a foot apart. I don't think that Eugena believes the pee story, because she actually touches the wet spots. Some of the other girls stand around and watch, but no one really knows what to do in the face of such brazen bitchfacery. Commercials.
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When we return, Eugena says that Monique thinks she owns everything, and that she was a punk not to tell Eugena to her face that she was going to take her bed. Eugena wanted to fight her. Meanwhile, Monique interviews that she doesn't care; she's going to have a bed. She doesn't care if the others call her a diva, because they can all bite her. And, if I may add, risk a mouthful of vinegar. In any case, Eugena seems to have submitted and is lying on the bean bag. Not so smashing, if you ask me.
In any case, it's time for dinner. Melrose, as is her custom, is grating cheese. Christian tells us that Melrose is trying to be the mom of the house, which the others aren't feeling. Melrose tells the girls that she'll make dinner for them, but she's not cleaning the dishes. And that's sort-of fair, but since Melrose is involved I'm sure that there's an asshat-ish edge to the situation. Anchal says that Melrose took it upon herself to start cooking and telling other people what to do. Anchal finds this ridiculous, and says that Melrose is not her mother. Stop. I don't know if my frail heart can handle the drama.
The next morning, there is a huge mess in the kitchen, and a dishwasher full of bubbles. The garbage is overflowing. It's nasty. Anchal also apparently left the tub all gross. Melrose calls a house meeting and decries the narsty kitchen. She asks the others to clean up after themselves in common spaces. She then tries to make a shower schedule, asking who likes to shower at night versus in the morning. A.J. sensibly suggests that everyone just tries to keep their showers relatively short. Fucking Monique pipes in that she can't commit to that, because she knows she can't take a twenty-minute shower. A.J. says that she takes hour-long showers at home, but has the presence of mind to be considerate when living with twelve other people. Monique says that that's who she is, and she doesn't care where she's living, she's going to take an hour-long shower. You know, I think she just told herself that it was her darker skin that made her family like her less, when really it was her rancid personality. Amanda says that she doesn't care for Monique and her inflexible ways. Melrose asks her to do what she has to do, while being respectful of the rest of them. Monique says she can't do that. Anchal interviews that Monique is kookoo, and that there's something wrong with her. True dat, Anchal. The bitch ain't right.