America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Marks Her Territory

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Sister Christian, Oh, The Time Has Come

Meanwhile, Melrose is getting massaged when it's her time to shoot. Jay says that some of the diva-for-a-day perks went to Melrose's head, and she was ten minutes late to the set. Melrose says that she got a massage with her makeup done, and thus had to get it touched up. She actually kind of sasses the makeup artist, saying that her lipstick looks crooked. He asks if she should be the narcissist and tells her that it looks fine.

When Melrose finally shows up, Jay asks her what the deal is and notes that he's been waiting for her. She says, "Oh, honey, I've been ready for, like, six hours...." Oh, Melrose. Jay is not feeling her attitude and tells her not to slow up the shoots. Melrose interviews that she was so sorry, and didn't want to break down and cry, so shut herself off. Melrose, scoffing at a check for $9,999, looks ridiculous. Jay says that he wants horrified, not bad acting. Melrose would not give Jay the sense of vulnerability that he wanted. She looks so stupid. Melrose says that she could feel that the whole room was disappointed in her. Sweetie, I don't think the whole room cares that much. She rushes off to the bathroom crying and says that she feels like she's going from being the best to being the worst. We hear crying sounds and/or throwing up through the bathroom door. So much for the confidence and wisdom of her twenty-three years.

The girls return home to Tyra Mail. Someone is going home tomorrow. Fucking Melrose, who is actually wearing a raspberry beret, says that performance-wise, she struggled at the shoot. She got a big kick in the ass. Will she get an even bigger one, and get kicked all the hell way back to deluded bitch-land? Time will tell, my friends. Commercials.

When we return, it is time for someone's dream to be crushed. Yes! Tyra stands looking solemn, in a 1940's pinup inspired leopard-print halter dress. We'll just call her Sweatie Page. She asks the girls how it feels to be in the judging room for the first time. They all answer, "Crazy." I'll say. Tyra announces the prizes for this cycle. The first is a contract with Elite Model Management. Tyra says in this really hilarious way that I can't describe accurately, "I was with Elite Models for A COUPLE OF YEARS." Oooh, a couple of years! Smashing. The next prize is the cover of Seventeen as well as a six-page spread inside. They recruited Seventeen as a sponsor purely so Tyra could tell us how it was her first major modeling job, and show us a picture of a prepubescent her on a pink scooter. She really was skinny back then. The last prize is a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl. Also, there are judges. They are, as usual, Nigel Barker, J. Alexander, and Twiggy. There appears to be no stupid judging challenge for the week. Huzzah!

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America's Next Top Model

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