America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Needs A Miracle

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The girls return to learn their fate. Tyra says that they picked the strongest of each of the double-photographs, and that those girls are first in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. Each of the winners gets to see her photo as if it were in a magazine spread, complete with porny titles. Cassandra is called first as we see her photo entitled, "Hay Stack Honeys." Next is Nicole, who worked the "Pretty Peasants" page. Coryn wins with her "Rustic Ruffles" look, and I rue the fact that I used up all of my she-nis jokes last season. Kim of the "Haunting Haberdasheries" is called next. "Haunting Haberdasheries" is also the subheading for the upcoming Top Model Halloween Catwalk of Terror, which is coincidentally the episode that will feature Janice Dickinson's return. "Farm Hand Fatales" Lisa is next followed by "Country Couture" Nik.

The six losers remain. One will go home. But before she does, Tyra calls Bre, Jayla, Sarah and Kyle. Ebony and Diane are left. Tyra, after her typical drawn-out prelude, says that the judges see a gorgeous face and beautiful body in Diane, but haven't seen those features captured in a photo. Tyra says that Ebony was impressive in casting because she was so obsessed with modeling, but that the judges think that maybe it's just a dream for her. And so it is that Diane gets a photo and Ebony, my secret favorite on the basis of personality alone, gets a teary farewell from the other girls. She handles her exit with grace and dignity, saying that she's heartbroken -- that modeling is her dream, and that it's hard to hear the judges say that her dream might not become a reality. She says that she's taking it all as a learning experience, and that even though this door has closed for her, she's going to go knock on twenty others until someone says yes. She says that she'll be okay, and that she's taken her first step toward becoming a top model and has lots of steps to go. She exits House of Top Model, and her already barely visible photo fades from the group shot. I hope she realizes that modeling is crap and goes to college, because I think she deserves better.

Coming up on ANTM: "a vision in flippers" teaches the girls how to runway walk, and Kim and Sarah enjoy some topless shenanigans in the pool, and also perhaps sex.

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America's Next Top Model

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