America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Needs A Miracle

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Do Mess With Texas

The girls trudge off to the rooftop of the Luxe Hotel on Rodeo Drive. Ebony says that the streets are so clean it's ridiculous. Because Beverly Hills totally needs the PR. And then in comes flouncing a large bald man with a giant orange and white polka-dotted muumuu and orange blazer. Guess he skinned Jay Manuel Buffalo Bill-style. The girls stare in wonder at this clowny human, who introduces himself as James St. James, "club kid extraordinaire, fashion provocateur, and definition of personal style." I know, I know, Disco Bloodbath and all that. But come on. ["My sister, who was too young to nerdishly read about Diane Brill in Details like I used to as a teenager in Saskatchewan, asked me what a 'club kid' was and I had a very hard time explaining. What was a club kid? Did they have jobs or what?" -- Wing Chun] James tells the girls that personal style means you can be fat, forty, and bald, and dress like a clown, and still be the most fabulous person in the room. Well, that's four out of five. We see a photo of him shoving a finger up his nose as he tells the girls that they must have a point of view behind their look. He says that today, they will go on a personal style mission, in which they get $500 each to buy an outfit that fits their personal style. Coryn mouths "Oooh," and it looks like the Midnight Tranny to Georgia has left the station. That hair is doing her no favors, though I will admit that the eyebrows are improved. The winner of the challenge gets to keep her outfit, which makes them all glad that their personal style isn't "fat, forty-year old bald clown." The girls get an hour and a half and race off. James St. James trails them wielding a megaphone. I can see why they did this at 6:30 in the morning. There are practically tumbleweeds rolling down Rodeo Drive.

The girls race to Club Monaco, home of edgy fashion. Ebony helps Cassandra, who says that it's difficult because she's not familiar with mod style. More racing, more James St. James with a megaphone. This is like the worst scary clown nightmare ever. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Jayla says, "Why isn't this my style?" and holds up and admires a pair of jeans emblazoned with a skull. Kim deadpans, "Because they're ugly." Okay, back to loving Kim. Running, running, shopping, shopping. Coryn finds a dress that she loves and IF ANYONE HAS ANY INSIDER INFORMATION ABOUT WHETHER SHE IS ACTUALLY A MAN YOU MUST EMAIL ME IMMEDIATELY. Seriously, I just can't stop thinking about it. It is driving me mad. Lisa interviews that she is a wardrobe stylist's assistant and doesn't think any of the other girls take fashion as seriously as she does. She is probably right. Cassandra continues to tag along with Ebony, and Diane admires some shoes. Cassandra asks Ebony what mod shoes would look like. Ebony interviews that Cassandra can't handle her look.

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America's Next Top Model

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