America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Needs A Miracle

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Do Mess With Texas

And in case you were wondering what Naima's doing these days, the answer is pretty much nothing.

When we return, there is some Tyra Mail: "Seeing double? You're not looking in a mirror. Be ready at 6:00 AM." Cassandra interviews that she's trying to get used to her hair and see it as an advantage, and that they must have made it look that way for a reason. Yes, the reason was to make you freak the fuck out. Ah, the innocence of youth. At 6:00 the next morning, the girls trudge out and it sounds like Kim says, "Why do I have the herpes so early in the morning." Ask Sarah, I guess.

Suddenly, we are at a ranch where an adorable horse sticks his horsey nose into the camera. He then applies some Wetslicks and neighs, "Smells like cowpies!" Ebony interviews that they pulled up to the ranch and saw Jay, and she thought maybe they had to pose with cloned sheep or something. I officially love Ebony. Jay tells the girls each to pick a partner and stand next to that person. Each girl's partner will be her immediate competition, and Kim laments that she picked the prettiest girl there. Jay says that each girl will be modeling the same outfit as her partner in the exact same setup, and that they can't watch one another. The photographer for the day is Craig de Cristo. Jay says that the girls have to step it up and bring it, and they give a half-hearted "Yeah."

The girls get their hair and makeup done and are outfitted in the wardrobe trailer. Jay says that he wants each and every outfit to look couture, and for once, the clothes and the setup are actually cool and look like something out of Vogue. Nik and Bre are first to compete. Nik does a fantastic job. Jay tells Bre to hunch and work the shape.

Round Two has Sarah vs. Coryn. Jay gives Sarah some horse-handling tips, none of which prevent the horse from snotting on her dress. Coryn has to deal with a horse who has to poop, and also who keeps getting distracted while wondering if Coryn is actually a man in a dress. Coryn, whose hair is less crazy, interviews that you have to work around such challenges, and she laughs and doesn't look so manly anymore.

Lisa vs. Ebony is next. Lisa tries to joke around with Ebony, but her joke isn't really funny and only causes Ebony stress. Ebony wonders what on earth she was thinking by picking Lisa as her partner. Lisa interviews that Ebony has large ta-tas while Lisa has no tatas, and so there was a lot of pinning that had to be done on the outfit. And I really hope that after two seasons of recapping this show, you all know me well enough to realize that "ta-tas" is a direct quote. She interviews that she knows every pose from every magazine and adds an emphatic "STRAIGHT UP" at the end. I think I'm caught in a hit and run. Jay praises her range in posing. Ebony, on the other hand, looks awkward and uncomfortable and she knows it. Jay says that she lacks energy and looks like a dead carcass on a fence. He interviews that Ebony has a lot of excitement and creativity, but that it all falls by the wayside when she's in front of the camera. The photographers tell Ebony to swing her braids around.

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America's Next Top Model




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