America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Overslept

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Model Behavior

Tyra continues adds that the girls will be judged on four umbrella categories: natural talent, potential, personality (and the winner becomes president of her seventh-grade class), and their photo-shoot performances. Each of the girls gets a private spin in The Infamous Judging Room. Why not do it all together? Meh. I don't make the rules. Here's what happened:

SeeYouTomorrow wasn't connecting with her eyes during the fashion show, though her walk was good. She sees a photo of herself during the fashion shoot, and proclaims herself "so hot!" JokerCox tells SeeYouTomorrow that her right arm got lost. Maybe it was looking for a lost contact lens.

April doesn't know what to do when she gets to the runway. JokerCox says something about the placement of a fan in her photo shoot that doesn't make any sense. It is utter nonsense.

Catie's walk was "a little stiff," which she blames on the boots. Eric (hi, Eric!) pipes up that her leg looked like it was "wobbling" in her photo shoot. So, Eric, do you live in Brooklyn, or...?

Sara was a little "bouncy" on the runway, but she gets props for putting her finger in her Adam's mouth. Because of how it makes you want to wear contact lenses.

Wait! Too fast! Lara Klingon Boyle has a "classic face." Camille looked too "somber." Tyra thinks that she should "stick [her] booty out and go, 'pow!'" Tyra? Totally.

Anna looked too much "like a beauty queen" during her runway walk, and Tyra is surprised to find that there's no picture of her at the shoot, even though Tyra's name is in the opening credits and she's, like, a producer, I'm sure. I'm just saying: strip down one artifice, because we already know. Anna explains that it wasn't "ladylike" to do a nude shoot, and JokerCox is all, "I get it. It's your religion," to which Anna responds, "It's not so much religion. I'm just trying to be Christlike." But, as a friend said so aptly, "Yeah, but Christ wasn't no supermodel." And I think we can leave it at that.

Everyone loves Mercedes. Heather, less so. Tyra calls her "borderline plus-size," explaining that she might want to "gain a little weight or lose a little weight." Depending on the calorie-burning potential of bawling uncontrollably due to being humiliated on national television (well, UPN), she's likely to show up next week with her size registered in negative integers.

Shandi won't look up during her runway, but she looks up to see her butt in the photo shoot. They tell her to start dressing better. But then Shandi and I won't be able to share clothes anymore. Eh, that's okay. I've started wearing the same grey hoodie every day anyway.

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America's Next Top Model

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