America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Overslept

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Model Behavior

Propagating the image that a model is nothing more than a body for sale, Bethany and Shandi meet for the first time on a street corner. And on hand to help Shandi out with her long-term ego-restructuring project, Bethany bites her lip in horror while shaking her hand and pipes up in a confessional, "Her eyes are very close together, which kind of reminds me of a bird. I just don't see her making it." Feeling better yet, Shandi?

There's also a third girl out on that corner, but we don't find out until she's on the Pimp Daddy Express that this is Sara, twenty-two, from Seattle. Everyone thinks she's real, real purdy-like. Including Sara, who tells us that modeling is "her dream," even though her Iranian father considers modeling a form of prostitution. Blasphemy! Axis of Evil, indeed.

Camille is from Mamroneck. Wow.

Just kidding. Camille tells the other girls about herself, saying that her biggest accomplishment is that she was "Miss Jamaica USA," hilariously adding a few seconds later and a few decibels lower, "first runner-up." Yeah, I've gotten that Community Chest card also. It makes you feel really dumb. And you only get $10. And you do not win the game, which is what Camille will not do with this game. Enjoy your ten bucks, Camille. And the fact that you seem to possess not just one card from, but the entire community chest. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Bethany's horse face thinks Camille is fake. Sara doesn't know why Camille believes that she's "the stuff." She's "the stuff"? When did this become Police Academy edited for the SuperStation, suddenly? And why is Hightower threatening to "knock my gosh-darn knees off, egg roll," anyway?

Grand Central. Heather is eighteen, blonde, and from Moreno Vallry, California. This makes her Catie, except for all the pretty parts. Jenascia is twenty-one and from Burien, Washington. As the third person on that bus wearing them, she confirms visually that, yes, big hoop earrings are in. We get it. Now take them off, Angels. Charlie can't even see you through that phone anyway. Jenascia frets that she's the shortest girl there, but tells us that, in a competition, she can "usually assess" who she can beat. The camera bounces off shots of Bethany and Shandi, and I love that we're supposed to hate Jenascia already because if the camera shows it, it must be going on inside of her mind. She continues by fretting that she thought she was going to have to wear heels the whole time she was there, but she quickly decided, "[Bleep] it." That's right, Fackler. You tell that Commandant Lasard who's boss and you mean it.

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America's Next Top Model

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