America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Punk'd Ashton

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A.J. From The Block

And then, Jaeda has to be Bobby Brown. She says that she felt really comfortable doing it. I don't even know what to say about this shoot. It's just so gross. Jaeda gets a really bad Whitney wig. She looks like the clip-art version of Whitney. Jay says that he doesn't know if he believes Jaeda's Whitney 100%, but that he'll give her an A for effort. Or for "Ass almost going home, yet again."

Then Michelle gets a bad Ellen DeGeneres wig. Amanda notes the irony of Michelle posing as the lesbian couple. Jay says that Michelle is being kind of dorky, and then tells her to do an Ellen dance. She does a really good Ellen dance, I have to say. She then poses as Portia, and is wearing a dress worth $15,000. And a wig that someone found in a dumpster. I'm just saying.

Then there is Amanda, who looks like a cross between Elvira (Mistress of the Dark) and a hooker as Demi Moore. Amanda asks in a confessional if she can wear a dress or something. She's wearing a skankalicious bikini. Amanda does a bang-up job being Ashton. I guess a trucker hat brings out the creativity in everyone. Jay gives her props. Amanda says that she thinks she did well, and so did Michelle, so the twins are here to stay.

Then there is Melrose, who notes that she's doing well in the competition but feels very alone, because perhaps the other girls are "intimidated of [sic] her" "or something." "Or something" really means "hate her annoying ass." I am sad to report once again that Melrose does a really great job as Melania. Jay tells her that it's almost like Top Model history, because every frame is useable. Melrose downplays her performance to the other girls, even though inside she of course thinks she's the best. Then Melrose gets a crazy wig as Donald. And I have to say...Melrose freaks me the fuck out as Donald Trump. What an evil little she-male that is.

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is getting canned. Jaeda thinks that she did well in her photo shoot, but she's bad at interviewing, so maybe she'll get sent home. She says that if she's in the bottom two again -- which would be her third time -- she doesn't know what she'll do. Well, I guess we're all about to find out! Commercials.

When we return, it's panel time. I should note that there's no picture of Tyra to introduce us to the judging. Maybe she was mad that she couldn't be Oprah and Stedman. Tyra notes that the girls have had a whirlwind week. There are prizes, and judges. Matthew Jordan Smith is the guest judge. Tyra notes that a lot of the former ANTM winners have gone on to do commentating of one sort or another. One of these is Yoanna, who's on the Style Network. Yay, Yoanna! I always forget how pretty she is. So as a challenge, the girls this week must commentate footage of an ANTM finale party. Tyra tells them that they have to give their P.O.V. Anchal does not know what this is, but hopes it means Porky, Oily Vittles. Anchal is hungry.

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America's Next Top Model

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