And then it's time for our weekly visit from fucking Pigford, who tells us that her mother -- known to her as "Mommy" -- is one of her biggest inspirations, despite the fact that in last year's casting special she basically said that her parents sucked or abandoned her or something. They see The Gates. Mommy gets made up and looks even more porcine than Eva herself. They laugh and joke. Eva wants to make mommy proud. Mommy wants Eva to make lots of money and buy her a bigger house. It warms the cockles of me heart.

When we return, we see the last minute or so repeated. Tiffany, through tears, begins to read with aplomb, even though she is functionally illiterate. She reads "magenta" as "magnetic" and "chartreuse" as "charismatic." Throughout, the judges give her smiling faces of encouragement, because the key to handling someone who is likely to hurl a glass of frosty beverage at you is lots of coddling. When she gets to the list of model names, Tiffany is at a loss, and so improvises with her own name along with the names of some of the other girls. When she has to read "The Kaiser himself, Karl Lagerfeld," she reads "Tyra herself." Heh. When she finishes, the judges give her big applause and thumbs up. And I do think that it's kind of ridiculous that the judges had to coax her into doing this challenge. As Tiffany walks out she says, "Ugh. This is humiliating. More and more each week." And if you don't know that participation on a reality show means ever-increasing abject humiliation, then you have bigger problems than illiteracy, my friend. Tyra watches Tiffany with a concerned scowl. Because she cares!