America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Retaliates

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Red Bullshit

The girls reconvene with Miss J. and Jason. They learn that the winner's shopping spree is worth $15,000. That is a good-ass prize. The winner also gets to take two friends. And the winner is Nik! She says that heretofore she's been the girl on the bottom in terms of the challenges, so it feels good to be on top. She has this exact conversation with American Express every so often, I bet. Nik quickly says that she will take Bre as her first companion and, after a bit of a pause, she also chooses Jayla. Yes, JAYLA. Jayla who, obviously unbeknownst to Nik, called Nik a stupid, stupid bitch. ["Which she might be, if she picked Jayla for her shopping spree." -- Wing Chun] Everyone seriously hates Kim at this point, I guess. And really, Kim would only use her portion of that $15,000 to buy more knee-length pants, so what Nik has done is something of a gift to humanity. Nik says "thank you" as they exit, because she is nice and not at all hateful and deserving to be the winner and all that good editing stuff.

Back at the hotel, Bre says that if Nicole leaves her sweater out one more time, Bre is going to throw it in the garbage. If you haven't caught the subtext, Bre hates Nicole, and is also a bit of a crankypants. Bre interviews that, all day, Nicole was getting on Bre's nerves, and that Bre was really stressed out and just wanted to sleep. Cut to Kim asking Nicole if she wants to work out, and Nicole bratting, "Working out is so overrated." See, she really is annoying. Bre interviews that Nicole is always very loud and inconsiderate. Cut to Nicole bouncing on the beds and yelling that they're much more bouncy than the beds at home. She starts yelling something about calling the "hellhouse [the "House of Top Model back in L.A.] our home." Bre says that she's aggravated [sic], and that Nicole just adds to that frustration. Bre tries to sleep in her bra, which is perhaps the first sign of the onset of dementia. Nicole makes horse clomping noises, and interviews that she knows Bre thinks she's loud and obnoxious, but that she doesn't care because she's still going to have fun and be happy no matter who is acting like a crankypants, so stuff that in your sleep bra, Bre, you wanker.

Meanwhile, Kim announces that there is Tyra Mail. She has to wake up several of the others before she can read it. Tyra Mail comes from, like, Mr. McFeely, but the delivery is anything but speedy. It's so late! The Tyra Mail says, "Have you ever felt like you were being framed?" Kim says that it's 1:00 in the morning and she's exhausted and has pigeon shit in her ear and really doesn't care to try to decipher it. Hey, me neither!

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America's Next Top Model

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