America's Next Top Model

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Clips And Dips

When it came time to meet the panel, some girls showed their winning personalities. One of these was Janet, who displayed her bikini-waxing technique on a doggie-style Tyra. Janet thinks this is evidence of how down-to-earth Tyra is, but I suspect it has more to do with Tyra desperately needing to get some. It's lonely being a multimedia mogul. We then finally get the reasoning behind the name "Spontaniouse." Spontaniouse tells us that she was so quick coming out of the womb that her mom didn't even have time to make it to the hospital. The fact that this name wasn't chosen while her mother was doped up on some birthing meds makes it even worse. Spontaniouse tells us that she was working at Wendy's, but they fired her, I suppose because she got really cranky when her weave got hot. Well, at least now we won't have to worry that she'll name her own child "Fryolateur. Then there's Heather, who has Asperger's. I think we've gotten enough information about this during the season that I don't have to repeat it.

And then, ooooooooooh! Tyra voices over, "But sometimes a pretty face can be deceiving." Yes, it's Ebony. She was super-stank at her audition, even though you can see her crack as soon as Tyra tells her the other girls don't like her. Tyra voices over that, with the competition heating up, Bianca was turned off by Ebony's undesirable attitude. I mean, that's like saying the pot and the kettle had a baby and named it "Calphalonne." Riding on their little mini-bus, a girl, I think perhaps the one with the retainer, tries to make some small talk with Ebony. Ebony's reply is, "I'm not here to make friends. I have friends already at home. I'll start remembering names when I make it to the house." Bianca, who is sitting across the aisle, makes a priceless faceless expression and then loudly says, "So corny." Oooh. Ebony is all, "Are you talkin' to me?" Bianca interviews that Ebony has no personality, and people can feel the diva-ness coming off of her. I bet they can smell it, too. Ebony again asks if Bianca was referring to her, and Bianca yells, as the rest of the bus quiets down, that who else would she be talking about? Ebony repeats that she's not there to make friends, and Bianca says that means she's fearful of things. Well, if she has any sense at all right now she's fearful of Bianca.

The girls then met Jaslene on the beach, and did a photo shoot in the water. Chantal reminds us how much she wants to be a model. Meanwhile, a couple of girls confront Ebony pretty nicely about the fact that she's being such an asshole. Ebony says she's too cute to argue. Ebony interviews that she'll do anything it takes, and that includes lowering another bitch's self esteem to make her insecure. Now the irony sounds like church bells.

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America's Next Top Model

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