America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A | 581 USERS: C+
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Sherlock Homely

Cassie is up first, and she shows too much pain in her small shoes. Nolé says that in show after show, models must wear small shoes, so she'd better get used to it or she'll be broken down. I'm sorry, but if all models are 5'11", why don't they just have bigger shoes available? The judges say that Cassie's photo is one of her best yet. Richie Rich of Heatherette says that he can see Nicole on a box of hair color, but not as a runway model. Ooh, burn! Janice likes Nicole's androgynous-looking photo. Kelle stumbles as she walks in, and then struts moronically toward the judges. She is seriously so bad that even Nigel starts laughing at her a little. Tyra says that she could see Kelle give up when the shoes started to hurt. She says, "The best athletes, the best dancers, and the best models push through the pain." Now that I think about it, actually, I kind of like the idea of has-been twenty-seven-year-old models with gnarled-up toes. Small shoes all around! Kelle's photo is so, so ugly. Both Kelle and the judges are appalled. Janice says that it looks like Kelle is giving herself a breast exam. Kelle says she looks like a platypus, and Janice goes off on her, telling Kelle to snap out of it, because the judges are giving her valuable information, so she should sit there and take it. Kelle looks scared. First of all, there is no way that that's Kelle's best photo. And second, the judges just seem to hate her. It's a bit excessive.

Ann is next. Janice tells her that she came out looking like an East German swimmer. This makes Ann feel strangely attracted to herself. Tyra tells her to take the strength of being an athlete, but get the sex appeal and stomp and fierceness of being a model. The judges are wowed by Ann's photo. Next is Amanda. Nigel tells Amanda that she shouldn't look down, and asks if she wears glasses or contacts. Oh, here we go. Blah blah blah eye disease, legally blind. But then she says, and I quote, "I'm assuming in around five years I'm gonna be completely blind." And at this, my mom said, "'Assuming'?" Even my mom called bullshit on Amanda. Heatherette looks a bit bewildered. Janice says that she's walked off of plenty of runways. Heh. The judges love Amanda's photo, as usual.

America's Next Top Model

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