America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Sets A Trap

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Sherlock Homely

J., now dressed in a bright blue toga, makes the girls walk whilst wearing long, gauzy wraps. He says they lack grace and elegance. And we haven't even gotten to the part where they're calling each other bitches yet! Jennipher is a clomping horse. Toccara needs to suck in her gut. "Kristi" looks dead. J. tells her that she is serving a plig team in a bowl of nothing. Okay, I'm sure that's not actually what he said (the "plig team" part) but I can't for the life of me decipher it. "Kristi" says that she wasn't very good because she was thinking too much. I imagine that "thinking too much" for a model goes something like this: "Step, step. I like puppies. Hey, there are my toes. Mmm, pie!" Yaya is too much of a dancer. Norelle is focusing on the clothing and not on her body. Norelle admits that she's the worst walker around, and that she doesn't want to look like "a dumb, like, idiot." Too late, my little parakeet. J. then makes the girls walk in giant headdresses, which Jennipher says are "the most awfulest things to wear in the world." More awful than the bitchface she's going to put on after the next commercial break? I think not. Foreshadowing proves to be a bit ham-handed as Norelle stumbles and almost falls. J. says that the girls will be tested on everything that they've learned today and that as a reward for their hard work, they'll be going out for a night on the town.

Night on the town. The girls pull up to a club, and notice a line out front. But wait, surprise! It's not just any night on the town. The girls come face to face with aging club kids Richie Rich (known for his appearances in anything about Michael Alig) and Traver Rains, who together form the designer duo known as Heatherette. They are Norelle's favorite designer, in no small part because they dress her idol, Paris Hilton. J. says that the Heatherette show is the hottest ticket in New York during fashion week -- so hot, in fact, that he can't even get a ticket. And at this he licks his fingers and tries to sizzle Heatherette's collective nipples. Heatherette are appropriately cute and coy. J. tells the girls that they are going to be starring in the Heatherette fashion show tonight! Whoop! Eva practically leaps into Ann's arms to celebrate the news. I'm just saying. Get your bony asses into hair and makeup!

Heatherette interview that the theme of the show is "The Circus of Panic," which is appropriate. Amanda says she is "so stoked," and that as long as she can see the runway beforehand, she'll "be cool." Nicole tries to psych Norelle out by telling her that Paris Hilton might be there. Which is false, because it's totally a fake, set-up show, but whatever. The gullible Norelle says, "Ho-ly crap." The girls wear a bevy of crazy wigs, garish makeup, drag-queen shoes, and eye jewels. Heatherette say that they're glad they don't have to walk the runway, because it's all zig-zaggy. Cut to Amanda who, it appears, will not be able to look at the runway ahead of time. She interviews that she is legally blind during the day and that at night she is "completely blind." Completely. Blind. Amanda says that she wasn't looking for an unfair advantage over the others, but wanted to be on "the same playing field" as everybody else. Well then, stop being blind. Amanda is nervous that she will fall off the runway, but glad that she has a giant aquamarine afro to cushion her fall. Miss J. says that the girls will be judged on their runway performance. Amanda gives a slow-motion sideways glance, and really does bear an uncanny resemblance to Annie Lennox in the "Why" video. She may be mad, she may be blind, she may be viciously unkind. Commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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