We begin the episode with a lesson in how smart Victoria was for not choosing anyone to share the Tyra Suite with her as house president Laura chooses Kristin, thus offending her supposed friend Leila. There is some talk that Leila is obsessed with Laura, and some talk that Laura is a fink for choosing anyone with as much innate stankitude as Kristin to share in a quality prize.
Alicia Keys visits the house along with Tyra, to announce that the models will walk in a show for her charity "Keep a Child Alive." Is that the most literally titled charity you've ever heard of or what? As house president, Laura is responsible for "assigning all responsibilities." I'm never really clear on what this means, other than Kelly Cutrone gets to yell at her a lot for not being a suitable leader. Clothes for the show have been donated by Mara Hoffman, and will be bid upon by audience members. The girl whose outfit sells for the most money wins the challenge. This seems inherently unfair, as I suspect that the quality of the model's walk will be less of a factor than how great the clothes are. Poor Leila suffers from the inability to move her arms as she walks, and Tyra goes so far as to yell at her from the audience when she is on the runway. Other than that, there is really no controversy - no one falls or gets clocked by a giant swinging pendulum or anything. It's like this show isn't even trying anymore. Victoria, Laura and Kiara wind up in the top three, with Kiara taking the ultimate prize -- the opportunity to be a special guest at one of Alicia's shows. She picks Nastasia to share in the prize, and nobody accuses either one of being obsessed with anything.
And speaking of obsession, just as Kristin and Laura are talking shit about Leila, Kiara is telling Leila about the aforementioned shit talking. Eventually Leila confronts Laura about the obsession accusation, in front of just about everyone, and then tells Laura that she actually appears to be obsessed with herself. This hits a nerve with Laura, who has apparently been accused of self-obsession since her high school days. She cries about being stereotyped as a stuck-up rich girl, and meanwhile Kristin belches and Victoria does calisthenics. Just another day in the Top Model house!
The week's photo shoot has the girls posing as cheerleaders, and striking a pose while being thrown up in the air. Jonte, the new Miss J., is there for apparently no reason at all. Kristin was of course a cheerleader, so hits the poses with no problem, though Tyra doesn't think she looks like a model. There are a lot of gnarly faces, and in other tragic news Allyssa hits one of the male cheerleaders in the head and makes him bleed and Laura cries and cries because she is afraid of heights. Just be lucky that you don't have to do a shoot on a million story building in the middle of a hurricane! You're only like six feet in the air! In the end, Nastasia has the highest scores for the week, and Leila and Brittany land in the bottom two. Though it seems absolutely crazy, it is Leila who is eliminated by a mere half point. You know it's bad when even Bryanboy sheds a tear!
Previously: Social media, blah blah blah. Are you drunk with power yet, America??????
We enter with the girls returning home to find Laura's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Laura tells us that she was nervous coming into the competition, because she's never been an up-and-down flat board size zero of a girl. She's here representing the healthy-bodied ladies, she says. Wow, what a role model! It's so BRAVE to be a size TWO! Laura starts rambling on about something, but I am too distracted by the fact that Nastasia seems to be frying spaghetti to pay attention to what she's saying. What IS that delicious concoction she is making? Whatever it is, I want some.
I am snapped out of my visual food coma by Leila saying that nothing has ever come easy to her, starting from the time when she was a tall, lanky, gap-toothed youth. Leila knows that Laura comes from a good household, and is envious of her. This statement is followed by an obviously stitched on clip of Leila saying that she loves Laura and that the two of them get along really well. We flash back to Leila sharing the Tyra Suite with Laura when it was her best photo week. Apparently they had discussed Laura choosing Leila to share in the spoils were she also to get best photo. Cut to one of the bedrooms, where Kristin asks Laura if she's dropped the bomb that it is not Leila but Kristin who will get to share in the glory of the Tyra Suite. Laura is afraid that this announcement is going to cause drama, and Kristin theorizes that that's because Leila is obsessed with her. Laura cackles that Leila even wrote her a note on the bus about why she should be picked for Tyra Suite shenanigans, and Allyssa is in shock. Poor Leila! I fear that Kristin might eventually dump a bucket of pig's blood on her head and shit will get REAL.
As the girls eat dinner, Laura announces that she has chosen Kristin to share the Tyra Suite, and tells Leila not to get mad. Leila rolls her eyes in response, which I think is appropriate. Laura then calls her out for said eye-rolling, which only adds to the obsession narrative. Leila claims that she's not mad about not being picked for the Tyra Suite. Rather, she's mad that Kristin was picked. And really, even though I do occasionally enjoy Kristin's stankitude, if there was ever doubt that Laura was a mean girl I think you could make a strong case based on the company that she keeps. And as for Leila, why be obsessed with a jerk? Go be obsessed with Victoria instead, like I am!