America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Sings for Alicia Keys

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Bring It On

After credits, we immediately get to the real action as Tyra enters the house with Miss Alicia Keys in tow. The girls are allegedly woken up by this entrance, and some of them actually start to cry. I feel like if Joni Mitchell walked into the room they wouldn't even bother to get up. They'd just kind of go, "...Huh?" and roll over. Anyway, Kiara tells Alicia that the two of them have very similar voices and sings a few bars for her. She actually has a pretty good voice! I mean, Alicia doesn't ask her to be a duet partner or anything, but she also doesn't visibly mock her. I'd consider that a win.

So, Alicia Keys has a charity called "Keep a Child Alive," which is the most literally named organization I've ever heard of. It's like if Amazon.com was called "We Send You Stuff You Want, Via the Internets." But the charity provides medicine to children and families with AIDS who otherwise couldn't afford it, which is some good work. The girls will be doing a fashion show to benefit the charity. And to quote Victoria, "We're doing this charity walk to literally keep children alive." LITERALLY? Like, if someone gets knocked over by a giant swinging pendulum there's a kid at the end of the runway who will just kick it? I mean, that's actually the kind of high-pressure situation that would make for some pretty good TV. Whatever, I love kids! I'm just saying! To warm up for the fashion show, the girls do an impromptu in-house runway walk exercise inspired by the titles of some of Alicia's songs. It's pretty dumb, but we learn a few key things: 1) Leila doesn't care if stupid self-centered Laura is her stupid friend or stupid not; 2) Leila's runway walk kind of stinks; 3) Kristin relishes the fact that Leila's runway walk kind of stinks.

At the end of this anti-climactic madness, Tyra tells the models that they'll be in charge of everything at the show -- their hair, makeup, and styling. In other words, "This show has become so low-budget that we can't afford to hire reputable professionals. Good luck!" Since Laura is the president of the house, she has "super control" and will be assigning all of the responsibilities at the show. The clothes for the show are being provided by Mara Hoffman, and will be bid upon. The girl whose outfit brings in the highest bid will win the challenge. Well, what if some of the girls just get ugly-ass frocks? Their stupid fault, I guess, for having such bad luck. The winner of the challenge will get to be a special guest at one of Alicia's shows, which is pretty great, and also a way to promote her new album, "Girl on Fire." Another way to promote that album is to make the title the overarching theme for the runway show, which Alicia also does. What if they literally set Victoria on fire? I think that would be really effective marketing! For every model who is set on fire, one child is kept alive! Buy these logo matches!

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

America's Next Top Model

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP