America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | 555 USERS: C+
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Just Let The Bitch In The Shower, Already

The girls head on a road trip to the shoot, and are driving in their bus for hours. Suddenly, someone thinks to look out of the window, and they discover that they're in the middle of the 135-degree desert. Please let Chantal be scooped up by a giant mutant bird of prey! The bus drives off and they are stranded, or so they supposedly think. They see a figure coming toward them. It's Mr. Jay, looking just like a mirage that's going to start singing about what you get when you guzzle down sweets. He tells them that, today, they're going to be in model wasteland, with burning cars behind them. It's not about giving pretty, but giving desperation and emotion to sell the image. As they all applied to be on this show of their own free will, I'm thinking they should have the "desperation" thing down. Lisa is glad that she gets another chance to redeem herself, and just hopes she doesn't start to overthink it, because whenever she does, she does a bad job.

The girls head to hair and makeup, and Jay introduces them to Trevor O'Shana, their photographer for the day. Bianca is up first, in a gold sparkly dress. I imagine that she gets to stand in front of a burning car about once a week in her regular life, so should be able to nail this. She says that she's confident and ready to go, and right now her only concern is getting called first. Jay says that she's wearing him out with how fabulous she is. In makeup, Sutan tells Heather that she's a very beautiful woman. Heather thanks him, and notes that that's what was said in the challenge, but...and at the mere hint that Heather is going to launch into the world's tiniest fiddle solo AGAIN, the other girls tell her to let it go. Heather tells us that she still has all the fustration left over from the challenge, but that she doesn't want to let it get in her way.

Heather's up next, and Jay tells her to do what she would do if she were stranded in the desert in front of a burning car. Walk away from the car? I'm no survivalist, but that strikes me as the obvious choice. Jay says that Heather was lost today, and tells her that most of the shots were pretty awkward. Heather hopes that Jay isn't too disappointed.

Chantal is next, and lets her frustrating dress inspire her. She interviews that she craves the photo shoots like water, and that all she wants is to be in front of the camera all the time. If a genie came down right now and granted me three Top Model wishes, my first would be that Janice Dickinson return to the panel; my second would be that Brandy be a contestant on every season of the show, up to and after she actually won; and the third would be that Chantal turn really ugly for, like, a month. Just long enough to make it count, you know? In any case, Chantal does a good job.

America's Next Top Model

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