America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Sticks Her Foot In Her Mouth

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A Schlock And Bull Story

And then the girls are out at dinner with Luca and friends. The boys say, "Kisses for everyone." Players! Amanda interviews that Spanish and American guys are very similar. They both have the same jokes and stuff, but Spanish guys smell better. Ha! But man, when Europeans smell better than you, you know that you're in trouble as a nation. Melrose toasts to new friends, new places, and new experiences. Someone's getting a little back-door loving tonight! Speaking of, Caridee asks, "Are you guys gonna come hang out with us after this?" What, Dennis Quaid wasn't enough for her? How much more man does she need? How much more man can she handle? Luca replies, "Yeah. Good time." Ha! Foreigners are funny. Amanda says that what happens in Spain stays in Spain. Um, yeah, unless it's being filmed and televised on a low-rent station three months later. Caridee is all, "Ha ha! Yeah! I'm dumb, too!"

The group heads home. Michelle tells us that Caridee and male model Victor "went out to have a chat." She says that she wants to know how their conversation went, because Victor speaks absolutely no English. Here, let me translate how it went for you: "Smack, smack, lick, lick, grope, slither, smack." Eugena says that Caridee is all over the place, and doesn't know how to stop. For real, put it away, girl. Caridee interviews that it's not about the competition right now. It's just about having fun and being in Spain and having amazing experiences. We see Caridee escorting Victor out the door at the apartment. They totally did it, as evidenced by the fact that Caridee is wearing an entirely different shirt than when she and Victor went out for their "chat" at the restaurant, and it's tucked into her bra. The hell? At least have some remorse and drunkenly call your boyfriend and let him call you a stupid bitch. That's the civilized thing to do. As a viewer of this show, I feel cheated. And really, Caridee's boyfriend sounded so nice when she talked to him last week. Poor guy.

And then, just as soon as they began, the slutscapades are over and the girls have a little tête-à-tête with Tyra, who wants to talk to them about the harsh realities of the modeling industry. Tyra says that it's one of the more difficult industries to be in, because you can't improve on your product. She says that if you're an actor, you can go to an acting coach and get better; if you're a singer, you can go to a singing coach and get better. But in the world of modeling, sometimes people just plain don't like your look, and then you're S.O.L., as my mother likes to say. Tyra wants to talk to the girls about what ANTM is. It's "that coach," to get the girls as strong as they can be and get them into the modeling industry. Is she serious with this? Does she think that we don't see the conspicuous absence of ANTM winners on runways and magazine covers all over the world?

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America's Next Top Model

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