America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Sticks Her Foot In Her Mouth

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A Schlock And Bull Story

Tyra Mail! "Don't let the photographer bully you." Everyone is all atwitter at the prospect of riding bulls, or going into the bull ring. Eugena says she hopes that it's a mechanical bull. ["Well, that is what Spain is known for." -- Wing Chun] She doesn't have a problem with bulls, as long as they are fake. Well, Eugena is in for a bit of a problem, then...

...as the girls walk into a for-real bull ring. Caridee interviews that they walked into the Coliseum, and she knew they were going to do something with a bull, because it's Barcelona, and you have to have a bull. She said it would be like going to New York and...eating cheesecake. Or going to North Dakota and having a lobotomy.

Mr. Jay walks out in full matador costume to meet the girls. Eugena interviews that Mr. Jay doesn't look like a matador at all: "He looks like..." Then she pauses before saying, "Mr. Jay in a matador costume." At first, I thought that this remark meant that Eugena is really just not that clever, but now I kind of think that she just realized that it was not politically savvy to say "a big Eurotrash flamer twirling around to 'Dancing Queen' at the Cock and Bull discotheque." Meanwhile, Jay is so orange that I think he has transitioned into burnt sienna. He tells the girls that they are in one of the last remaining active bullfighting arenas, and so it's the perfect setting for their shoot. He adds that they're going to be shooting with a really big bully. And it is...Mr. Nigel Barker, who engages in a little impromptu Wild West standoff with Mr. Jay. It is so dumb that it's not even funny. Caridee says she's glad that Nigel is going to be their photographer, but that it also makes her nervous because he's a judge and has a lot of say, and she wants to impress him. We will see how Caridee deals with her nerves and desire to impress people momentarily. Hint: it involves saying stupid things!

Mr. Jay then tells the girls that they'll actually be shooting with a bull. And then, out comes the bull. That bull has horns, man. The girls and Jay go running for cover as an actual matador does his thing. Melrose says that she got scared, because she realized this thing could kill her. Say a silent prayer for that to happen as we head to commercials.

Meanwhile, Dani(elle) is still droning on that she was an extra in a Cover Girl commercial featuring Queen Latifah. Get some new material! She does look gorgeous, though.

When we return, the bull has not killed Melrose. Aw, man. I was looking forward to a good, old-fashioned maiming at the very least. The girls watch the matador work with the bull and are nervous. Even more nerve-wracking, says Melrose, is the prospect of working with Nigel. Nigel and the girls watch the matador in action; Nigel is holding a large stick of some sort. Caridee leans over to him and says, and I quote, "Did you just remove that from your ass from the last panel?" Ooooooooh! And see, for a second I thought, oh that's kind of funny, but then I put the relationships in perspective, and I could not imagine saying that to, like, my boss, or to a professor or something. Melrose says that she couldn't believe that Caridee said that, even though she totally gave a big smiley "Ooooooooooh!" as it occurs. Nigel walks off looking mad. Jay says that Caridee messed up, and that Tyra is looking for a girl who can work in this business and be respectful.

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America's Next Top Model

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