America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | 638 USERS: C+
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Viva Las Vagus

Tyra has nothing positive to say about Michelle's walk, and notes that she looked like she was modeling sacks for farmers in a potato factory. Her photo, however, is fierce, and Tyra commends her for her eye, which is on the side of her head like an antelope. And those are Tyra's words. She says that may sound like an insult, but that models are weird and different, and that's what makes the photo amazingly gorgeous. Michelle thinks, "Weird, check." I think that Michelle looks like a more severe Natalie Maines in her photo, which just serves to make me miss the Dixie Chicks. Nigel tells Brandy that he thought she might walk off the runway and smack him in the face, because she looked so pissed. Hee! Tyra demonstrates model angry versus hoochie angry, and explains that Brandy is the latter. In her photo, the shape of her face is gorgeous, but Flambé says that there's no passion in the eyes. Tyra tells Christina to, when hair flies in her face, wipe it away in a sassy model way. Flambé says that Christina's face is boring in her photo. Janice says that she's beautiful, not boring, but that she needs to "bring it from within." Nigel tells Naima to work on her turn, or she'll "knock other models like Skittles across the runway." Naima's photo works for Janice, Nigel, and Tyra, but not for Sandi or Flambé. But who cares what those two think, right?

Tyra tells Brittany that she's wearing too much foundation, and that her walk is too heavy. Janice agrees and says she looks like a grazing horse. Janice thinks that Brittany's photo is gorgeous. Tyra says that the close-up looks like the cover of a porn video and Janice quips, "That's why I like it." Janice Dickinson for President! Tyra says it looks like a high-class $39.95 porno, and then jokes, "But how do I know that?" We quickly hear Sandi saying that it might be the pink lipstick before she is cut off. In all fairness, I actually think it might be Brittany's lips. Collagen makes you look like a porn star. What can I say. Flambé says that Noelle needs to turn it up to go from pretty girl next door to America's Next Top Model. The judges agree that her photo is gorgeous and her legs look miles long. Sarah gives a worried look. Kahlen's right arm is paralyzed when she walks, and her photo is a bit stiff. Janice commends Keenyah on continuing on after she stumbled, and says she walked like a pro. Tyra says that her energy is a little bit boring, and that she needs to step it up. And I will tell Keenyah right now that "boring" is a bad niche to have on this show. Tyra asks her what's up with her outfit, and Janice adds that it looks like she has potpourri on her jeans and a carnival top. She says, "I understand if you got a little wasted one night and maybe your boyfriend was doodlin' on your butt or something." I think that's a page directly from Janice and Sly: The Drunk Doodlin' years. The judges love her photo, and Tyra notes that it's the very first shot from the photographer. Janice says it's the best beauty shot of the lot. ["I am not a big fan of Keenyah, but that shot was totally Iman." -- Wing Chun]

America's Next Top Model

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