America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Takes A Pill

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I'm Sari...So Sari

Nigel's mom tells the girls that she was born in Bombay and started her singing career at fourteen, and won a modeling competition soon afterward. She tells the girls to follow their hearts, and to learn as much as they can, because that will stand them in good stead. She then teaches the girls how to wear saris. Straight-haired Bre says that she's definitely paying attention, because she has a feeling this will come back later on. The girls bid Nigel and his mother goodnight.

The girls return home to Tyra Mail, which they read in unison. Someone is going home. Jayla would be comfortable with her standing in the competition if she knew what was going on in the judges' heads. Nicole says that she never feels comfortable in the competition, probably because the judges always have arbitrary bullshit excuses for which girl they send home. Bre emphatically asks, "Why am I still here?" Dude, no idea. A regular-haired Bre interviews that she made it to the top four and may not be there tomorrow, but that she's the fourth baddest bitch in America, and ain't nobody taking that away from her. Oh, tell it to Nature Valley. Commercials.

When we return, Bre says that she has been dragged through the dirt in eliminations. A series of flashbacks shows us that she has been in the bottom two three times. She says that she's the underdog in the competition, and that she doesn't know if she's going to win the competition, but that she deserves to. I don't know about that, Mister Sister.

Tyra welcomes the girls to Panel and says that it's time to make the ninth cut. Prizes, judges. Jayla is wearing a shirt that makes her look neckless. J. Alexander is wearing a bindi. The guest judge is Barbara Hulanicki, designer for Biba, who looks like Carol Channing, complete with cataract glasses. This is not an exaggeration. Tyra says that Barbara single-handedly put mod on the map. Barbara Hulanicki also put frightful on my television. ["And Mary Quant is like, 'Come on, you guys -- seriously.'" -- Wing Chun] Tyra tells the girls that there is an item in the back that has inspired London designers, and that the girls have three minutes to take that item and update it to "mod-dern fash-ion." The item is, of course, a sari. The girls strip and such and deck themselves out in the saris.

Nicole is first up, and her sari is a mess. Nigel says that it looks like she fell in the curtains, and Carol Channing agrees and busts into a chorus of "Hello Dolly." Nigel says that if she turned around and there was a bare back and a little butt cleavage, then it would be good. Hmm, maybe I should name my band "butt cleavage." Tyra asks Nigel why he's so horny, and he says, "Well, you know." On Nicole's photo, Twiggy says that she's photographed beautifully throughout the entire competition, and that she's very photogenic. Miss J. says that he doesn't see any intensity in Nicole's picture, and I have to say that I'm in agreement on that one. I think Nicole's photos are usually fantastic, but this one isn't doing much for me, particularly considering the tongue bath Jay gave her earlier. Tyra 100% disagrees, however, and says that Nicole has never had so much range in her shoot. Tyra says that Nicole betta work, and that she's proud of Nicole. Actually, she says, "Mama is proud of you" but I think that's a little weird, so I didn't want to repeat it.

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America's Next Top Model

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