America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Takes A Pill

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I'm Sari...So Sari

Next, Nicole says that the girls were told to pair up in two groups and go see London. Nik and Jayla conspire to go together. Yeah, go figure. Jayla interviews that Bre and Nicole are really pissed at one another, and that she and Nik are stuck in the middle. Nik says that she just wants to have a good day with no fighting and no drama. Jayla interviews that if either of them goes with Nicole or Bre, they'll just hear about the granola stupidity all day. I can't blame them, even though they are both stupid, stupid bitches. Jayla notes that Nicole and Bre will be furious. Nicole approaches Nik and Jayla and is told that they want to go together. Nicole asks, "Are you serious?" Nik tells Nicole not to look at her, because she feels a little bad. Or is pretending to feel a little bad, more likely. Hey, after her supposable friendship with Bre has been uncovered as a ruse, I put nothing past her. Nicole says, "You know that's whack," and what she doesn't know is that it's Whack-a-Mole day. And man, does that mean the right side of Nik's face is in trouble. Commercials.

Oh my God, and then Naima's life gets even more pathetic. She says that she has some of the girls from the coffee shop over. She calls them "the fashion club," and says that they discuss fashion, hair, and -- you guessed it -- Naima's self-proclaimed specialty, "May-kupppp." It's like a Mary Kay house party, but with worse product, if you can believe it. And I'll bet Naima doesn't even get a percentage of the profits. I can't wait until the season is over, because these commercials are making me extremely uncomfortable. Though, who am I to cast stones, because my "My Life As a Recapper" spots would go something like this: Press play. Type furiously. Pause. Rewind. Watch again. Mumble, "What the fuck is Miss J. saying?" Repeat.

We return to a rehashing of the pairing-up-to-go-see-London débacle, which I'm sure was in no way facilitated by the producers to manufacture drama. Nicole says that she didn't really want to hang out with Bre. Bre -- who suddenly and mysteriously has an awful lot of bangs and poker-straight hair -- interviews that Nicole wasn't even looking forward to breathing next to Bre. Well, that's because Bre sweats ammonia.

Jayla and Nik set out on their walk, and suddenly it dawns on Jayla that some of the shit-talking she did earlier might one day appear on the television. In a display of total damage control, she tells Nik that she had some problems with her early on in the competition, but that she got over that. She says she just wanted to say that before Nik started hating her. Flashback to five weeks ago, when Jayla said that her feelings for Nik were severe dislike bordering on hate, and that she hoped Nik was eliminated. Nik says that it's okay, and that she didn't come on ANTM to make friends, nor to make enemies. She came there for an opportunity, and what happens happens. I hope that Nik changed her mind when she saw the "stupid, stupid bitch" confessional and now wants to beat Jayla down. And maybe it will happen on the reunion show, which, by the way, I am so excited about! Nik says that it's a dirty world, and that everyone's there for themselves. Nik takes Jayla's clearing of the air as a sign of maturity. Nik is totally misguided.

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America's Next Top Model

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