America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Talks Behind Everyone's Back

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | Grade It Now!
An Episode Without A Heroine

It is a new day. The girls pack, and Lisa flings around a stretchy string. I know that sounds weird, but I'm just reporting what's happening. Lisa says, "When are we going to London? Honestly. Like, when are we really going?" Lisa says that she's an antsy-pantsy kind of girl and likes to be on the move. Let's go, she says, and I agree. Just get to freaking London already.

Tyra Mail! "You're on your way, but snap! One more fierce photo before you go." The girls drag their bags out and all lament that they have one more photo shoot. Nicole interviews that she will not be sad to leave the house, because everyone in it is nuts. Well, half of those girls are taking crazy as their carry-on luggage, so don't get too excited yet, my little Minnie Driver lookalike. Sepia-tinted footage of the girls going crazy ensues. We've seen a lot of it already, but never has it looked so 1850s! Sad music plays as they leave the House of Top Model.

The girls get into their huge ass limo and guzzle more gas, thereby depleting even more precious oxygen, as if their breathing wasn't insult enough to humanity. They meet an Australain-accented guy named Mark at a place called Prints of the City, who says that he hears they need to get some passport photos taken. Okay, first of all - duh. They are going to London today and so obviously already have their passports. And second...well, duh. They stand on a mark and get their photos taken. Mark prints them out and calls the girls together to confess that he isn't really a passport photographer. Yeah, and Tyra isn't a talk-show host. WE KNOW. This is the stupidest segment. The girls, to their credit, don't look totally surprised because even they aren't that dumb. Mark's full name is Mark Anderson, and he's a fashion photographer who has shot over two hundred covers of models better than Tyra. Mark says that the passport shoot was actually a test. Lisa interviews that she had a feeling this was no ordinary passport photograph. Do they actually think that no one who watches this show has ever gotten a passport? Honest to God.

Mark says that you have to know what your best look is even when you're getting a passport photo. We see all the shots. I think that Lisa's and Kim's are the best, and that Nik looks the worst, mostly on account of her big-ass glasses and the repressed lesbianism. But Mark declares Bre the winner for no good reason. He says she was very prepared, with her hair back for a nice clean look. Seriously, the fix is in. Her photo is not that good. Mark says that Bre will get her prize when she gets to London, and she chooses Nik to share it with her. He then gives them another surprise in the guise of product placement. It's a video/camcorder/tv phone, and each girl has a message from a loved one. We see Bre's mom, and Jayla's boyfriend. Jayla's boyfriend has a lot of facial hair and is everything that Jayla deserves. She interviews that she was relieved because she hasn't been able to get a hold of her boyfriend for two weeks, and everyone had to reassure her that he really does love her. How nice of them to lie. Seriously, two weeks? Also, my cat, Miss Itty, just totally farted, because she can't stand Jayla, either. If she had opposable thumbs, I totally bet she'd write nasty stuff in the forums all day, and that I'd eventually have to ban her for posts like, "JaYlA OR SHOULD I SAY WHORE-LA is 2 smelling like ass 4 meeee bad like my fartz~~ LOL! ROFLMAO!!!!" Miss Itty has no couth and bad grammar.

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America's Next Top Model




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