America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Talks Behind Everyone's Back

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | Grade It Now!
An Episode Without A Heroine

And then, Naima signs some autographs at Walgreens and discusses the difficulty in choosing a foundation shade. If Kim thinks she has it bad now, she should try winning this competition.

When we return, we are in London. Yay! Some hybrid classical-electronica, not unlike a very 1980s version of "A Fifth of Beethoven," plays. There is Big Ben! Heathrow Airport! Buckingham Palace! Nasty, yellow teeth! Oh, wait, that last one was just Jayla. Lisa has some hideous pink flowered luggage, as one might expect. As they exit the airport, Miss J. -- waving atop a double-decker bus -- meets them. Lisa interviews that it's so cool to get picked up in a double-decker bus with Miss J., as opposed to getting picked up in a double-decker bus by Robin Leach, which just makes you smell like old lady. Miss J. welcomes the girls to London. He is wearing a shirt that says, "Naomi Hit Me." I wonder if he also owns its counterpart, "Tyra Ate Me." He says "tally ho" and takes the girls on a tour. Bre interviews that it's her first time overseas, and that she's very happy. Kim says that she thinks London will bring about a new dynamic amongst the girls.

The tour concludes, and Miss J. tells the girls that they have arrived at their palace at 212 Savoy Hotel. And then as they emerge from the bus, a swarm of paparazzi runs out to them. Oh, I am so sure. I hate all the parts of this episode that don't involve Bre bitching and Kim crying. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Bre says that it was scary.

The girls enter their beautiful hotel suite. At this moment, I totally hate them. They deserve all the psychic trauma that has been inflicted upon them, just for spending one night at this gorgeous hotel. Jayla and Kim sit in a window seat. Kim interviews that all the girls have put their problems aside and are getting along. Kim sits in her bed and starts writing a note of some sort. Meanwhile, a British dude shows up. He is Edward. He and his friend have come to take Bre and Nik out for dinner for winning the passport photo challenge. Bre puts on what is perhaps the ugliest dress in all of England -- it is teal and silk and is a very 90210 Donna Martin Graduates kind of prom dress. It also exposes her shoulder tattoo. Nik is wearing jeans and a silk tank top and looks comparatively quite good.

The two English gentlemen take Nik and Bre on a carriage ride. They ride through Piccadilly Circus, and Bre notes that it's like Times Square. Nik says that she's never been on a carriage ride before, and that it was very fairy tale-esque. Yes, if the heroine of the fairy tale is a closeted lesbian and is escorted by Prince Amex. I'm sorry, and I won't speak of it again -- I am just so proud to have figured it out! I am like Inspector Gadget, but without the extra long arm. Also, call me, Nik! Anyway, one of the gentlemen asks the girls if they've had a pleasant time as ANTM contestants. Bre says that they've been together for about a month and a half, and that you never know someone until you've lived with them. The gentlemen agree, and are quite clearly bored out of their wits.

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America's Next Top Model




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