America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Walks On Water

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Naima Make You Scream-a

It is night. The fountain is lit up. Backstage, there are scantily clad women everywhere. Kahlen and Naima each say that they don't want to be distracted by the other before the show. Jay tells the models that they look amazing. He reminds them that it's dark and says that he doesn't want them to fall off of the runway. But I do! That would be the greatest finale ever, yet also suspiciously similar to the plot of The Great Muppet Caper. Tyra and Ms. J., the latter outfitted in a fabulous headdress, arrive. Naima says that every girl on the runway is her competition, and that she has to stand out from everyone, and not just Kahlen. Kahlen explains for the more dim-witted (read: fellow models) in the viewing audience, "Only one of us can win. There's two of us left. One of us will win, one of us will lose." Jay counts down to action, and then...commercials.

And I think Eva's "My Life As a Cover Girl" is a repeat again. She says at one point, "The overwhelmingness....that has come over me...about being a Cover Girl...it's so beyond emotional, it's so beyond physical, it's so beyond anything tangible." This is what happens when you take public speaking lessons from Tyra.

Fashion show! Jay says emphatically, "Let's give them a show. Give them a show." Kahlen says that she's wondering if she'll fall off of the runway because she's kind of clumsy. Naima interviews again that she has anxiety and butterflies and is ready to go. Once again, she's looking very happy. The show begins, and from the front row Janice yells, "Work it!" The uncut version of that sentence was, "You'll never be able to work it like me! The world's first supermodel! Bitches!" Girls walk the runway in swimsuits. Naima goes out, and you know what she is? Fierce. She says that she can see her feet in the water below her, and that she feels superhuman. Kahlen walks and...I don't know. I know everyone talks about her runway walk, but I kind of feel like she looks like she has a bum leg that she has to drag behind her. Nonetheless, Janice yells, "That's my girl!" and points at her. And Janice's endorsement really is the kiss of death. Another clue! Kahlen says that she hit her first pose and got a huge adrenaline rush and felt her heart about to explode. More backstage chaos. Naima walks in a gown and says that she can hear the judges screaming. Kahlen walks and says that not only is she stomping on all the people who didn't believe in her, she's stomping on the girl who didn't believe in herself. Oh, modeling as a metaphor. I have had enough of you.

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America's Next Top Model

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