America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Walks On Water

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Naima Make You Scream-a

And...action! The girls walk on the runway in their pretty flowing dresses and Cover Girl makeup. Miss J. tells Naima not to lead with her chin, because when she does the camera goes up her nostrils and we can see what she's thinking. And I have a feeling that what we would see is: "............." I mean, she's totally my favorite, but I will admit that she's a little dull. Keenyah says that she's rocking it, and is planning to blow her competition out of the water. And if that fails, she will sit on them. Naima interviews that she's noticed a slight attitude change in Keenyah, who is getting more arrogant. At this, Keenyah gets to the end of the runway and gives a little wink, which is apparently Morse code for "actually," because it's accompanied by the "ding!" noise. Jay observes that the winking doesn't seem natural. Tough talk for someone made entirely of Velveeta. Kahlen interviews that shooting the madness of the backstage madness was madness. Or something like that. Naima is nervous about delivering the lines of the commercial verbatim. We see a montage of the girls flubbing their lines. And I know that UPN was probably too cheap to spring for a teleprompter, but they can't have a lackey (e.g. Nolé) holding some cue cards? Kahlen says that the whole thing is a living hell for her because she's not currently and never has been "a memorizer." Nor, I would suspect, a grammatician. She messes up a lot, at one point saying, "Jesus Louisus." She voices over that she kind of lost it, as we cut to commercials.

When we reutrn, Kahlen discusses how poorly she did, and notes that she could barely utter the phrase "makeup meltdown." She interview that they had to do not only a commercial, but also a beauty shot for Cover Girl. Jay tells them that beauty shots are the most difficult of all, and gives this stellar piece of advice: "Be you. If you can be you in the camera, that's a Cover Girl shot." Keenyah explains that a beauty shot is a very tight close-up of the face that is designed to show a girl's natural beauty. Cut to a shot of Eva's Cover Girl ad from last year. Jay then gives Keenyah this even more stellar bit of advice: "I feel like a hand a hand a hand a head a head. Just...work it." You get this same sound bite when you push the button on the Life Sized Talking Jay Blow-Up Doll (© Bankable Productions 2005). Keenyah says that she feels a lot of pressure because Cover Girl could be her future employer. And then next season instead of "My Life As a Cover Girl" ads we'll have "Keenyah's weekly weigh-in." Fourteen weeks later: still fat. Jay says that Keenyah was giving the right Cover Girl smile, but that it got stuck.

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America's Next Top Model

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