Next, a specialist in the fine art of bikini waxing speaks with a clipped, Germanic accent as we're treated to incredibly detailed shots of twelve girls having hot wax ripped from their coochies. Robin confesses that only her husband and her gynecologist had ever been "down there" before, but she submits to it anyway because it says it's fine in the always overriding Book of Tyra.
Tyra Mail! Tyra Mail! Elyse takes over proctoring duties again, and I become doubly dubious of anyone in that Flatotel's ability to get past the lowly Blue Level of SRAs. Because you can't hide from how hard the Silver Level is, but first you've got to get there, see. "You have a photo shoot for J.Lo Swimwear tomorrow morning. Be in the hotel lobby at 7:45 AM sharp." Adrianne screams a very loud "Holy shit" that is not edited out or compromised in any way, because she rocks the J.Lo Swimwear. The girls all scream because they think they know what J.Lo Swimwear is, because that is the power of branding.
At 7:45, a car leaves the hotel not carrying Shannon, Robin, Ebony, and probably some Christian. The four of them are forced into a taxi while Adrianne tells us that those on time got to go to hair and makeup first, while those who are tardy do not get fruit cup. Man, but these girls have a keen ability to brick on the time for the first photo shoot. Not that I've seen the second season yet, because it's still last year.
Up on a rooftop, the girls stand wrapped in towels on what looks like a bitter winter day in New York. Tyra emerges in a white coat and hat, lording her Stay Puft Marshmallow Model style over the chilled and un-Gortexed. Without wasting time, she calls forward Robin, Kesse, Ebony, and Shannon, chastising them for their lateness and telling them how "upset" that makes her. As punishment, they will be forced to look at Douglas Bizarro, their photographer for the day, who 100\% of elementary school children would be able to identify in a photograph, according to a recent screening of Super-Size Me I attended. Bizarro, whose name needs no further explanation, tells the women that "swimwear is shot the season before" and that they'll be doing the rooftop shot on a cold day in New York because challenging challenges are very, very amusing to watch. Tyra cautions them with a little pre-shoot wisdom: "The one most common mistake that new models make is 'the sexier I move, the sexier the picture is going to be.'" She tells them that, instead, it's "all about the face," which is probably why Yoanna was sentenced to six months' worth of rigorous face-training when she won her crown. Tyra continues, "You have to always be thinking about something." She shows the difference between a dead eye, staring off into space, and "an eye that just has some fire," which she demonstrates by...staring off into space. She notes that they must create a character, "kind of like silent movies." She wishes them luck on their first shoot, but the overall sentiment is drowned out by the screeching of New York sirens and the crashing din of Mary Pickford doing ab crunches in her grave until she's strong enough to bust the hell out of there and school Tyra on "kind of like silent movies."