America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | 175 USERS: B
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Make D'oh-ver

We see Kristin post-makeover, with shorter hair and bangs. She looks kind of like a cross between Cheryl Tiegs and Natalie Maines. I don't dislike it, and she is excited to have a new, edgier look. Nastasia gets a slightly shorter, bouncier lion's mane. You couldn't really mess with that lovely perfect hair too much. Kiara is getting a longer, straight weave and also the outside edges of her eyebrows are removed so she can look like Spock in all of her photos. She loves the look and pronounces that she is now even more of a threat.

Meanwhile, Destiny is having a sad. She tells the hairdresser and Kelly that she would like a more feminine look, and Kelly asks if what she means is that she doesn't want to look like a total dyke. Known for her caring and subtlety, that one. Johnny tells her to own the edginess, and then we see a post-makeover confessional in which Destiny tells us that she doesn't feel pretty or confident. And that's because her hair looks crazy. It's like a really bad version of Lisa Bonet on early The Cosby Show. We go back to the makeover itself where Tyra, sniffing out potential for drama and getting her old talk show host voice back, asks Destiny why she's so worried about looking like a lesbian. The answer is because she's only half-lesbian. Destiny says she doesn't want to be known for liking chicks, and then Tyra crouches down and gets very patronizing as she says, "You like girls? And boys? Or just girls?" It turns out that Destiny is into ladies but also has a boyfriend, but says that all of this does not define her. In sum, Destiny says that she doesn't want to look like a little boy. Tyra says that she'll be really hot and beautiful, and it's all about how you feel inside. Unless you have gotten a whack haircut, in which case it's also about how you look on the outside. Poor Destiny.

Oh boy, and then it's time for Cutrone versus Harvard, round 7. Kelly asks Maria why she didn't accept the benevolent makeover that was thrust upon her, and Maria says it's because she didn't want to cut her hair. Then Kelly gets a look that's even more severe than her normal face, and says that no major agency would accept a beginning model who's not flexible. Oh God, and then Maria is like, "I'm already represented by an agency," and Kelly gets the biggest "Bitch, please" look on her face as she says, "IN BOSTON." With all due respect (ha), Kelly says that Maria is represented by a little mosquito agency that has no real meaning or impact in the fashion world. She then offers to give Maria $10,000 on the spot for every major national fashion campaign that she's shot. This is obviously a very safe bet. Then Kelly asks what would happen if Karl Lagerfeld wanted her to get a bob. Maria laughs a little and says that if Karl Lagerfeld told her to do it, she probably would. Cutrone is not pleased, and tells Maria that she's really committed to defending mediocrity and wishes her luck. By which she means, go suck a dick. Commercials.

America's Next Top Model

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