It's the makeover episode! The girls head to the Christophe Salon in Beverly Hills where Kelly Cutrone and Johnny Wujek drop a big twist: the girls will have the OPTION of getting a makeover or not. The one stipulation is that they have to say yea or nay prior to knowing what exactly the makeover will entail. All of the smart folks of course agree to be made ever. "Smart folks" at this juncture excludes Harvard Maria, who actually yells, "Hell no!" when asked if she wants her makeover. If you think you're too good for the show, then why are you on the show? Maria's tragedy is that she's not even a hater in a fun way - she's just dull and annoying. Also, learn to recognize what is basically a trick question.
Victoria, who is widely voted as most in need of a makeover by her fellow contestants, also declines. It may not surprise you that she sheds quite a few tears about the whole thing. To be honest, I would say yes to the makeover just to avoid the talking-to that these idiots are going to get from not only Cutrone but Tyra herself, who shows up to watch the festivities.
Indeed, while Darian sheds her braids in favor of a long, layered bob, Kristin gets bangs, and Nastasia goes a little shorter and curlier, Tyra has a sit-down with Maria and Victoria and wonders aloud whether they should be in the fashion industry. Victoria of course starts blathering on about how her full-blooded Cherokee Indian grandmother had long hair. That was before people had scissors! She probably would have killed for some face-framing layers! They open their secret makeover envelopes and Victoria learns that she would have had long, red curly hair. Maria basically would have had exactly the same hair with highlights. Tyra is very interested in what social media will say about this matter, which of course thrusts Victoria into full meltdown mode.
As for the other makeovers, Kiara loses part of her eyebrows and gets a straight weave, Allyssa and Yvone are about the same, Brittany goes shorter and light brown, Leila is blonder and more cracked-out, and Laura gets long ice-blonde hair. Also, she is from a small town. Have you heard? There's only one stoplight, she swears! Destiny gets a closely cropped back with longer front, and is NOT HAPPY. She wants a feminine look, and also not to look like a lesbian. Girl, it is way too late for that. Tyra wonders why this is such a problem. It turns out that Destiny is bi with a boyfriend, and doesn't want to be stereotyped. Also, she just has issues. I will give her that something is really lacking in the execution on this one. Meanwhile, Maria gets a talking-to by Kelly Cutrone and is so snitty throughout that Kelly has to get even more severe than normal. It is not good, unless you like dull and uninspiring snittiness squared.
There's some Darian versus Kiara drama in the house, which seems to focus on who is the biggest real-ass bitch, and then it's time for a nude photo shoot! The girls not only get to go topless in a park, but they do it with Rob Evans! DROOL. Backstage, Maria uses the C word to describe Kelly. It's maybe not inaccurate, but definitely ill-advised. But we are sadly robbed of Kelly's inevitable smackdown of Maria by Maria herself -- before she even poses nude, she tells Johnny that she's quitting the show. A van takes her away, and that's it. Everyone else has a very "don't let the door hit you in the ass when you leave" reaction to the whole thing.
Despite her makeover drama, Victoria takes a photo that the judges love, and winds up being called first. Darian and Yvonne are not so lucky, and land in the bottom two. The judges' scores are tied, and so it actually is the social media score that determines who is sent home -- it's Darian who goes, by three-hundredths of a point. Can she demand a recount? For a minute Tyra makes it seem like she won't go home, before clarifying that Darian and everyone else who is eliminated has a chance to make it back on the show via some sort of online contest. Now I think we know who is the realest-ass bitch of all.
Previously: new judges, social media, etc. And super cute Jessie was sent home, some (me) may say unjustly.
We enter with the girls returning home to find Leila's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art, complete with some really crunk fonts representing the judges' comments. Leila is tearfully appreciative to all the fans out there who helped her achieve this great honor. She should really be thanking the judges, each of whom gave her a 10! Sorry, but the fans had nothing to do with this one. Democracy is 90 percent a sham when you look closely. Leila of course gets the key to the Tyra Suite, and invites Laura to join her there, because she thinks Laura is awesome. And then stupid Laura questions Leila's motivation for inviting her to share in the Suite. Who knew small town girls were so wily and suspicious? Leila is just being nice! Laura says she's not giving advice to anybody, since this is a competition. What advice would she even HAVE that we haven't already heard from Garrison Keillor? In any case, Leila says that being in the Tyra Suite is the best thing that's happened to her in her entire life. If you come into this competition with extremely low expectations, you will never be disappointed!
We then learn a little about Darian, which is always doom-infused foreshadowing this early in the episode. Darian answered an ad looking for models for New Orleans Fashion Week, was chosen, and says it was the best experience of her life. She looks gorgeous in the photos, I have to say. Every time I talk about Darian, I want to sing, "Daaaaaaaarian. Madame libraaaaaaaarian." (Meanwhile, have you EVER seen a more scintillating YouTube video? It was probably made by Victoria's mom.)
And then there is Tyra Mail! "Who's gonna make the cut? Fierce and love, Tyra." Everyone correctly surmises that makeovers are a-comin'. Victoria looks sullen, as she's already convinced that she's going to get some sort of a pixie cut that, according to her, won't work well with her hair type. Maria is also scared. She reminds us that she was an awkward and geeky kid, and that her parents encouraged her to focus on the academics. I'm not sure that there's a causal relationship there, but who knows. Maria is, in case you haven't heard, now at Harvard. She snits that she doesn't want her hair cut, and isn't going to let anyone cut her hair, and confessionalizes, "Sorry, Tyra. Good luck with that. A heh heh." You can tell by the looks on the other girls' faces that they think she is hella-annoying. Destiny goes so far as to say that she's obviously intelligent, but the way she's acting is almost an embarrassment to Harvard. We are reminded of her backtalk to the judges at the last panel, and how Kelly Cutrone was forced to snap at her in an even more snappy manner than usual. Allyssa tells us that Maria and her stank attitude should have been sent home, and we roll to the credits. In which, I may add, Tyra wears a neon yellow sleeveless mock turtleneck. She is not sporting her best looks this season, is all I'm saying.