America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower

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Déjà Vu's a Bitch

The girls then met with the co-owners of Smashbox Enterprises, Dean and Davis Factor, who asked them to write critiques of one another, because Top Model is always out to engender peace and not create any unnecessary drama. Dean and Davis read a critique that says that Coryn is too skinny and muscular, and Tyra voices over that this was the next step on the path to the battle of Lisa vs. Coryn. They exchange words, and Coryn tells Lisa that she just doesn't like her. Tyra voices over that with the pressure of the competition mounting, Kim discovered a new talent. Cut to Kim playing a harmonica. Now that's irony in motion. Montage of Kim playing the harmonica, which is actually pretty funny. In one shot, she plays as Nicole dances, and in another she skips into the kitchen wearing fluorescent pink tape wrapped around her head. And plays the harmonica.

The girls' photographer for that week, Tyra tells us, combined experience with sass. It is Janice Dickinson! Oh, hooray. I always feel a little better when she's on my screen, unless she's trying to crawl out of the window above the street and away from Omarosa, Pepa, and Balki. I seriously have been trying to Windex that shit from my brain. Tyra says that wherever Janice goes, controversy is sure to follow. As is my heart. Janice asks Coryn if she is flexible, and tells Jay that she wants to incorporate limbs into the shot. Kyle interviews that Janice is a little intimidating at first, because she's so forward and will confront you about everything. In a demonstration, she tells Kim that she thinks she's so tough and has to incorporate the short spiky hair and be masculine. She says all of this in kind of a weird voice. She then tells Coryn to do twenty jumping jacks. Coryn does twenty jumping jacks in gold hot pants. Janice tells all the girls to go "BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" before they settle into their shoot, and gives a little whinny for the camera while she's at it. She says that it blows the tensions out of their mouths. Huh.

The photo shoot was a tongue-in-cheek take on extreme plastic surgery. Janice says that Bre needs more experience in front of the camera, because her movements aren't fluid. She gives Kim some advice on handling breast implants, which Kim will doubtlessly heed some day in the future. She directs Lisa not to lose the light, and tells her not to act like she's drunk. Kim unnecessarily yells that it's natural for Lisa to be like that. Janice yells, "Any remarks from the sidelines is nothing but jealous. This girl's a star." Despite the syntax, I think it's nice that Janice kind of stuck up for Lisa, who might be something of a kindred spirit. Diane had to strap down her boobies and it hurt. Janice got a huge sense of insecurity from Diane, and notes that she needs to stop reeling her head backward. Despite Diane's poor performance, Janice gives her a big hug after the shoot. She tells the girls that it's a tough ride, and that only the strong survive. She tells them not to dog one another behind their backs when they get home because it all gets around in the industry. And also, they will see it on television months later. And if it didn't get caught in a regular episode, they'll have a nice surprise waiting for them in the clip show.

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America's Next Top Model

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