America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower

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Déjà Vu's a Bitch

Meanwhile, Tyra tells us, Jayla was left brooding over judging. Jayla confessionalizes that she's angry with Nik because, at Panel, Nik said that there was an on-set incident that bothered her, but wouldn't elaborate for the judges. Jayla says that everyone thought Nik was nice for doing that, but Jayla thinks that Nik just didn't want to look bad in front of Tyra. Well that's reason enough, isn't it? Dumb-ass. Jayla rants that she was so happy when Nik was in the final two, and says that she would cry tears of joy if Nik were sent home at this point. She concludes, "That's Nik. I really, really hope you see this. I don't like you. You're a stupid, stupid bitch." Tough talk from a stupid, stupid bitch.

Last week's Cover Girl of the Week was Kim. I guess the lesbian voting bloc finally mobilized themselves.

On our last stop in the more recent past, Tyra tells us that she decided to drop by and show the girls that you don't need all the fuss to get a fierce photo. She smears them with Vaseline and shoots them in black and white in the back yard, with amazing results. We get to see all of these photos, because Tyra loves herself. After the shoot, Lisa found an innovative way to burn calories. She interviews that she exercises all the time, and that it's driving her crazy not to be able to work out. Why can't she work out? So she tells Bre that she and Kim are going to come up with a dance routine. She does a little bit of her crack-ass dance for Bre. She interviews that she doesn't want people to sit around and complain all the time, and that they should get up and do something. And I guess her idea of doing something involves running around the house like she's just escaped from a mental institution, and gyrating her crotch in front of the confessional-room camera. The cameras then hire Woody Harrelson to file a class-action suit against Lisa. She runs through the house and hurdles all the furniture, slides down the banister, and kind of bounces up and down for a while. It's funny, but the scary side is that I don't think she's even drunk when she's doing this.

Meanwhile, at a '40s retro pin-up shoot, the girls must sex it up. Bre is corseted so tight that she can't breathe. Kim is made into an actual woman. The girls pose on top of a car. Kim interviews that Kyle didn't look as comfortable in this shoot as she normally does, and Jay says that Kyle didn't really get into the character of a pin-up girl. Meanwhile, Lisa cracks in the limo and starts pillow-fighting with the other girls. Pillows, fights, laughing. At one point, Kim hops on Kyle's lap for protection. Jayla says that they are girly. And then, Kyle was unjustly eliminated. She says that she didn't know how to use her potential, and thought she was going to go farther. So did I, and I'm still sad about it.

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America's Next Top Model




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