The show starts off with drama, in the form of Chris being Chris. Mike enters a room with a message about phone times, Chris pipes in with some sort of lame remark, and Mike tells him to shut the fuck up. Cue Chris getting VERY upset. Now, telling someone to shut the fuck up is NOT very nice, but everyone in the house seems to be of the opinion that Chris is overly dramatic in his reactions to everything. He tells us that it all hearkens back to his verbally and physically abusive mother, and calls a house meeting so he can apologize to the others for being so prone to rubbing them the wrong way and give a little info about his past. Which in itself is a rather dramatic move, if you ask me. The number of people who are nice to Chris triples, as Jourdan and Cory both show him kindness (in addition to BFF Nina) during the episode. Mike, however, has no sympathy, and rationalizes that part of being grown up is developing some coping mechanisms.
Everyone then moves on to some runway drama, as they have a challenge that involves walking on a spinning turntable right in the middle of the catwalk. The Editor-in-Chief of Nylon is there, and the winner of the challenge will get to be on NylonTV, which apparently is a thing that exists. Nina freaks out because she already has a problematic ankle, which she hurt by wearing stupid shoes and engaging in hula hoop shenanigans at casting. The medic comes and wraps her ankle, and she is just fine. In fact, none of the contestants even fall! What a waste. One of the judges does call Nina a "loose noodle," however, just to give us some solace. Jeremy and Mike are singled out as being particularly bad, with one of the judges referencing Jeremy's chest-baring Zoolander moment. Phil, Renee and Chris rise to the top of the pack, but it's Jourdan who is proving herself to be a really good model (if still a dullard!) and takes home the challenge victory.
The photo shoot this week is "trailer park chic," which gives Phil a lot of time to engage in white trash stereotypes. The models get to choose who they pose with based on how well they did last week, and the pairings break down as such: Mike and Alexandra, Jiana and Marvin (the message of which is, suck it Phil!), Jourdan and Chris, Nina and Phil, Cory and Renee, and Jeremy, Kanani and Don as a default threesome. Our old friend "The Cobra Snake" is the photographer, and feels right at home since he grew up in a trailer park.
During the shoot, Mike again has a hard time doing the elusive thing called "modeling" that is at the epicenter of this show, while Jeremy can't keep his squinty eyes open in the bright light. Marvin gets a boner (surprise), and Cory gets really condescending accolades for appearing manly. Nina appears to struggle during the shoot, but then the judges love her photo and she's one of the top scorers of the week. But it's Jourdan who is having the best week of all, and sweeps best photo as well as the challenge. Jeremy and Mike wind up in the bottom two, and though I thought Jeremy was a goner, it's Mike who is doomed back to a life of slinging Nutty Buddies by a mere one-tenth of a point.
The contestants return home to their luxury manor after last week's panel to find Mike's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Mike wasn't expecting such accolades to fall his way, largely because he's a terrible model. He says he's the kind of person who wants to do well in anything he does, which is how he because a server on an ice cream truck. Mike invites Jeremy to share in the Tyra Suite with him, because he's got de-virginizing on his mind. Jeremy tells us that he'd love to be a Guess model, but he's the new guy with no experience in the modeling world. Until he figures out his body and his face, he thinks his chances are low. Well, way to enact some positive visualization there, buddy.
Meanwhile, Jourdan tells us that she has no plan B if she doesn't win this competition. She has no job, and has been living with her boyfriend's parents, which is less than ideal. She wonders when she'll get a turn to shine. Poor Jordan: so pretty and dull. We then cut to Chris carrying Nina around. It turns out that she twisted her ankle during casting week. Boo hoo, you might think, until you see flashback footage of her prancing around in giant platform boots and wielding a hula hoop. That one is your own fault, my friend. It apparently hurts quite a bit, and also has the unfortunate side effect of giving her a wonky eye in her interviews. Nina tells us that modeling is her dream, and she dropped out of school and moved back in with her parents so she could be in this competition. And I mean, I can see how getting to humiliate yourself on television for a few months would be more appealing than prepping for a career in middle management.
Chris holds ice on Nina's ankle and tells us that they have a great friendship. Also, basically, she's the only person who is nice to him. And, side note, he's just holding an actual chunk of ice on her ankle. Not wrapped up in a towel or anything, just, like, a big chunk that he ripped from a glacier with his bare hands to soothe the joints of his true lady love. The producers don't give them a first aid kit or anything? As Chris recounts to Nina her ideal ankle stretching regimen, Mike walks in to give the group an urgent message. He says that everyone is going to get phone time the next morning, but only about five minutes. Chris interjects with some comment related to the fact that it's five minutes, and Mike reflexively tells him to shut the fuck up. "Did he really just tell me to shut the fuck up?" asks Chris. Yes. Yes he did, and we all heard it.