America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Went Around in Circles

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 40 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Achilles Ankle

As the models get hair and makeup done, Marvin tells Phil that the trailer park wardrobe looks like it came from his closet. Phil takes it as a compliment. He also tells us that weaves hurt, but he loves his. Also, it suits the trailer park scenario quite nicely. Johnny introduces the photographer for the day, his good friend The Cobra Snake. I feel like we've met The Cobra Snake before, and he's a lot less interesting than his name would suggest. That's often the case, isn't it? Jiana tells us that she thought he was just a trailer park resident, which makes sense as The Cobra Snake tells them that he actually grew up in a trailer park. So, he feels right at home.

Kanani, Don and Jeremy are up first, and Johnny tells them to make this the chic-est trailer park barbeque in history. He then introduces "Sugar Pop Pop," a character inspired by Honey Boo Boo who will pose in many of the photos and sometimes provide Flixel motion. Sugar Pop Pop was, I think, a failed experiment since she gets very little further attention. The models for the most part ignore her as they try to embody sexy-trash. Kanani tells us that she grew up on the west side of Chicago, so the trailer park is a breeze. She gets praise from Johnny. Jeremy, meanwhile, is having a hard time keeping his naturally small, squinty eyes (his words!) open in the glare of the lighting. Johnny tells him to open his eyes at least twenty times, and at one point calls him "Squinty McSquinterstein." Jeremy is distressed. In further bad news, Johnny tells us that Jeremy has weird angles, and, I quote, "One turn and his body looks hideous, then back to normal and it's good." Hideous!

Mike and Alexandra are next, and off the bat Johnny tells Mike that there's no need to snarl. His chest looks nice, though. Alex is no fan of Mike's, telling us that he's just coasting along while she's wanted to be a model for ages. She thinks he has no reason to be there. Johnny tells us that Mike got lost in the photo, and kept freezing in the same poses. He's not sure that Mike will make it all that far in the competition. He'll get plenty of poon in his life, though, so you can't feel too sorry for him.

Meanwhile, Jourdan and Chris are bonding over their backgrounds. Jourdan says that she always lived in apartments growing up, Chris interjects that because he had a single mom he lived in 38 places, and Jourdan responds that she moved every year. She thinks that connecting with Chris will help with their photo shoot, and indeed they look pretty great. Renee tells us for the thirty-eighth time that Jourdan annoys the hell out of her (because she's such a good model, I think). But Renee isn't going to let her take her spot, even with the blonde hair. She adds, "Bitch I'm bronze, and I love it," for good measure. Chris knows how good Jourdan is, and talks about stepping up his game to let the judges know how serious he is about this. Johnny thinks that Chris has good moments, but needs to work on being present and bringing chemistry with whoever he's working with.

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America's Next Top Model

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