From L.A. to New York, from Jamaica to Japan, these three finalists battled it out. And now, on to the finale! Yay!
Tokyo! It is night. The girls return to their lovely house. Eva and Yaya both interview with some sense of disbelief that it is down to the final three, and that they are still around. Amanda interviews that, at the last elimination, Ann, who was sent packing, hugged Amanda and Yaya and thenwalked right past her former best friend slash lesbian lover, Eva, with nary a kind word or sideways glance. And then ran into the waiting arms of new gal pal Portia de Rossi, who had already redecorated their gay love nest in the Hollywood Hills. And a reliable source tells me that Eva did, in fact, say a soft "Banana" as Ann brushed by her. Well, I guess we know who was the top. Eva interviews that for Ann not even to say goodbye was crushing. Cut to footage of Eva crying and writing in her diary. Boo hoo, she has feelings too! I am totally not buying it.
Amanda interviews that Eva had been treating Ann "like poo" for a really long time, and that Eva is all about "me me me me me me me me me me me me me." And that is kind of interesting, since we have not seen Eva treating Ann like poo at all. The editing on this show is a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. I chose to skip to page 52, in which Eva is still kind of the greatest and Ann is just a crappy, bitter, unphotogenic closet case with a borderline personality disorder. Eva says that actions come with consequences and repercussions, and that she recognizes her part in the falling-out with Ann and sees the whole thing as a life-learning experience. She says that being offensive and being defensive don't show strength. And that tidbit of wisdom is jargony and self-helpish and doesn't really make sense, so I'm assuming that it came from either (a) Tyra or (b) Tyra's mom. Eva says that she's trying to be a better person, but that she has been labeled as a bitch and some people can't see beyond that. Yaya then interviews, "If there were anything that Amanda and I could do to make Eva feel more included or comfortable...I don't think we would." Oh, the humble, respectful blessing to this earth that is Yaya. You know, some people (including Pus van Zandt herself) may argue that Yaya is a victim of selective editing, but that girl gives a LOT of sound bites. I'm just saying.
Tyra Mail! "Actresses have recently been gracing the covers of all the top magazines, but it's time for them to step aside and make room for a real cover girl." I like the rhyming Tyra Mail better and, in fact, I like to think that if The Bard were alive today, he'd be composing some of the best iambic pentameter reality television has ever seen. "Get thee forsooth into a wardrobe sleek/ The small orange man will spew useless critique." Or, "Thy face, it shall adorn a magazine/ Jay Manuel's a useless worn-out queen." The Bard likes to get paid too, y'all.