America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Wins It All

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Viva La Diva!

Eva is the Cover Girl of the week, for the fifth week in a row. How convenient!

We are back in the fast-paced city of Tokyo. After their photo shoot, the girls have to do a go-see with Tokyo-based designer Noriko Fukushima. The Dowager Jay and Ms. J. Alexander say that the girls have been exposed to traditional Japanese fashion (e.g. lingerie accessorized by a wide-open kimono) and Japanese street fashion (e.g. coked-up clown makeup and a motorcycle), and that today they are going to learn about current Japanese ready-to-wear fashion. J. says that Noriko has been a fixture on the Japanese fashion scene for twenty years. Oh, bring back the woman with the tiny sideways hat! Eva interviews that she's 5'7", but that she doesn't have to be tall to be great. She's going to knock down the norms, unless she is first squashed beneath an Amazonian fourteen-year-old's size 12 shoe on the runway. Eva wears an odd-looking puffy polka dotted thingy. Yaya walks in a see-through gold lamé skirt and is pleasing to Noriko and her assistant. Yaya says that, not to be disrespectful, if that idea had been done in the States, "it could look very hoochie." And it would probably look very hoochie on Yaya, but for the fact that she has the sex appeal of Jon Lovitz. Which, apparently, means that Janice Dickinson would (and does) want to hump her. Amanda comes out in Noriko's version of a modern wedding dress, which seems to involve a rose and white tulle bodystocking (with pants) surrounded by yet more rose and white tulle. Amanda says in the go-see that the dress is a showstopper, but interviews that it wasn't her cup of tea. And if I were Noriko, I would be concerned that my dress was so fug that it was able to restore the power of sight.

Tyra Mail! Somebody gets the boot tomorrow! Or, as The Bard would say, "Forsooth, unto the final two we go/ Wait, not so quick, you blind albino ho." No one can believe that they're in the final three, the panel will be more intense than ever, blah blah blah blah blah. Tyra introduces the girls to "a very special elimination." Oh my God! Will WKRP's Mr. Carlson bust out his dirty cartoons and try to get them drunk and make them pose topless in the bike shop? Actually, that doesn't sound like such a stretch, except Janice would totally play the pedophile bike shop owner. And again, not much of a stretch. Anyway, the two girls who remain will compete in a Noriko Fukushima fashion show and vie for the title of America's Next Top Model. The prizes, for the record, are a contract with Ford Models, a spread in Elle Magazine, and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl cosmetics. The judges are the fabulous Janice Dickinson (whom Tyra has reverted to calling "ONE OF the world's first supermodels"), photographer Nigel Barker, prominent fashion editor and stylist Nolé Marin, and guest judge Noriko Fukushima and translator. Tyra says that the winner's Cover Girl photo will be a real ad appearing in magazines all across the land, and will be the start of her Cover Girl contract.

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America's Next Top Model

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