A Bettie Page type walks in front of the judging panel. She has two HUGE carnations in her hair. Like, seriously? Tyra makes her take them out. It is Micheline, 22, from Atlanta. She says that she has always had makeup as her side job. Jay smears off her makeup with a Kleenex, which leads us to believe that she wasn't very good at her side job. She tells us that she's also done animation and artwork. She's happy as long as she gets to express her creative self. I long for the day when Micheline has to temp. Jay -- who really has no cause to comment on anyone else's makeup given that he looks like he's been face-painted by someone with Parkinson's -- asks who Micheline's greatest influence is. She says that John Galliano of Christian Dior "hot couture" is her biggest inspiration. Tyra totally calls her on the pronunciation of "hot." Micheline changes into her swimsuit, and damn, that girl has a lot of ink on her body. She estimates that she has twenty tattoos. She is pretty, I have to say. But that does not negate the fact that she has a tattoo of Herman Munster.
Next is Samantha, nineteen, from Pinson, Alabama. Samantha tells us that she's a small-town girl, and that pretty much the biggest thing that happens in Pinson is the Butter Bean Festival. Man. Pinson can't even get the limas. Samantha's insecurity is that she's missing a tooth. Miss J. recommends that she fill in the gap with a butter bean.
Next, there is Melissa, twenty-one, from the Bronx. She's wearing pearls, which Jay makes her take off. Melissa says that, in the Bronx, they only recognize first place. Oh, Melissa from the block, prepare to continue to walk in obscurity. Melissa tells the judges that she had her weave, and then a friend borrowed it, and then when Top Model called, Melissa asked for it back. Melissa is a total Indian weave giver! She tells us that she has tracks falling out all over the place. I guess that's what happens when you take a weave out and sew it back in. Melissa wants to prove to the other girls that Bronx girls can make it too. Tyra thinks that Melissa has a great strong face, but Jay points out that she's 5'7", and looks 5'7".
Next is Dionne, twenty, from Montgomery, Alabama. Two Alabamans! Break out the Skynyrd. Dionne is a student at ASU, she's a mother, she has three sisters, she's a former pianist, she used to have a pet tarantula named Sassy but she died, her favorite food is spaghetti, she love love loves spaghetti, and after that comes t-bone steaks and salad, her favorite color is blue. Dionne quite predictably leads us into the "crazy round of losers" montage. We see brief clips of a couple of girls, and then there is Natalie, twenty-two, from Atlanta, who really loves Audrey Hepburn. Her favorite movie? Dinner At Tiffany's. Make that Lunch or Brunch at Tiffany's. There are more crazy losers, then crazy losers in swimsuits. Meanwhile, Dionne is still talking. She loves to swim, but not in a big pool of water. She likes to wear her hair long, and likes something called 1B 30. This is some technical weave term. You know, were it not for Top Model and Tyra Banks, I would know next to nothing about weaves. They are performing an important service to the community, in that respect. The National Weaveducation Foundation should really recognize them for their efforts. Dionne tells us that she's not only a model, but a dentist. She then says with all seriousness that modeling and dentistry are her passions. Sometimes, she daydreams about being a sexy model, practicing on somebody's teeth. I would hate to be her boyfriend. The words "open up and say ahhhh" probably make that poor man shudder, not to mention the sight of the spit rinser.