America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Won't Stop Talking

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Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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The Girl Who Is Just Kind Of Dumb

Jay meets with the girls and tells them all gently that they need to step it up. He sends them downstairs, where there's a surprise waiting for them: their giant, pimped out, gas-guzzling Hummer limo. There is Tyra Mail inside, and I must note that Tyra Mail has a new look this year! Rather than being typed out on a plain index card, we have handwriting on...an 8x10 photo of Tyra. She gets more humble by the minute, you know? The Tyra Mail reads: "The past is NEW AGAIN. Welcome to the fashion house of history!" I wish it were the fashion house of wax. That would be creepy and cool, and it would smell good if the house caught on fire. Not that I know where it is or plan on being in the Los Angeles area or even have access to gasoline and matches. There's a key with the Tyra Mail, and the girls are all excited about going to the house. Not just the house, but the Fashion House of History!!!!!!!!!!

The house, as usual, is amazing. Kathleen says that it's like "freakin' heaven." The theme of the house is past winners of America's Next Top Model. Isn't the theme always that, or something like it? I mean, when the theme's not "Tyra Banks ROX!!!!!" The girls claim rooms and beds, someone jumps in the pool fully clothed, and then they start to prance on the in-house runway. Jaslene loves it because she's a runway fiend. The whole thing is like the RuPaul "You Better Work" video. But with less competent sashaying and chante-ing. Meanwhile, Jael puts on a blue wig and some boxing gloves. Renee says that Jael keeps things fun, which is good, because Renee might take things too seriously sometimes. Oh, you know, maybe once in a while. Jael interviews that she thinks Renee is a great girl, and loves how opposite they are. Jael might sound a little like either Beavis or Butthead, or some combination thereof. Out on the balcony, Whitney is overcome with emotion. She's glad to be there, and this is where she's going to stay. I hope not literally on the balcony -- she'll miss all the photo shoots and challenges!

The next day, the girls hang out by the pool and take photos of each other in bikinis. Kathleen says that all the girls are the bomb, but that she feels like they're all her competition, because each has her own unique "beautifulness [sic]." Jaslene says that she thinks Kathleen is the most outspoken girl in the house. She's from New York, and knows what to say and when to say it. But how to say it in a way that displays basic command of the English language -- there's the rub.

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America's Next Top Model

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