America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Won't Stop Talking

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The Girl Who Is Just Kind Of Dumb

Next is Sarah, twenty, from Lake Zurich, Illinois. Jay tells Tyra that Sarah won the boot camp posing competition. Sarah tells us that she's twenty going on twenty-six. HA! How mature she is. I feel like that too, sometimes. Like an old soul. I'm thirty-one going on thirty-three, you know? Wise for my years. Sarah tells Tyra and the Jays that she loves the fashion industry and is, in fact, a fashion photographer. She says that she's fierce, and that when she wants something, she goes and gets it. Including a Whopper. Her size is perfectly fine, but I feel like I have to be the new Janice and call everyone too fat. Miss J. thinks she's extremely cute, and sees a model in her.

Next is a hooker. Seriously, this girl has on a yellow long-sleeved shirt with a shortie nightgown over it over bright blue leggings and with bright red ankle boots. Tyra and the Jays are all like, "WTF?" It's Cassandra, twenty-four, from Seattle. Her face is actually kind of pretty amidst all that craziness. The panel asks what's up with her hair, and Cassandra says that she had a wig sewn on her head. You can do that? Even Tyra, who I imagine knows all about wigs, is stunned. She asks why Cassandra would have a wig sewn on, which seems like a reasonable question, and Cassandra says that it's because she wants to flip her hair and be fierce. She tells us that she was made fun of all her life, and that people used to throw basketballs at her head. Ah, that explains it. She does have a good body.

Next is Heather, eighteen, from Deer Park, Texas, the boot camp instructor's daughter we've already met. She says that she can deal with someone being in her face and criticizing her, because that's what her dad did. That's totally healthy. Tyra has her give the Jays a little bit of real boot camp yelling. Jay Manuel gets down and does some pushups, but Miss J. refuses. His poor little arms would snap in twain, I bet. Heather is all about taking criticism and making it into something positive.

Next we have Brittany, twenty-one, from Savannah. Tyra asks what her biggest insecurity is, and Brittany says that she has an issue with volume control. She talks loud, all the time. She demonstrates, and Tyra asks if she's ever had her hearing checked out, because that might be part of it. Brittany unironically says, "Pardon?" The judges crack up. Brittany is a bartender, and says that her job is to be everyone's best friend. She knows how to turn it on. Tyra thinks that she has a foreign look, and that she expresses herself very well.

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America's Next Top Model

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