America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Won't Stop Talking

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Girl Who Is Just Kind Of Dumb

And speaking of foreign, we have Natasha. She says that she feels herself American, because we are all from different places, but all want to live in this country. Tyra asks Natasha when she got married. Natasha was eighteen. And her husband? Forty. Yeah. Miss J. straight-up asks Natasha if she is a mail-order bride. She says that this is the man who changed her life completely. She interviews that, in Russia, there are no opportunities -- unless you want to become a gymnast or ice skater or tennis player, I guess -- and that she really struggled until her husband brought her to America. Now she gets to give blowjobs all day! This is truly the land of opportunity. Natasha, like all who have fled from Soviet Russia, loves sparkly things and Levi's and America. And I know it's not Soviet Russia anymore, but that's how I like to imagine it all in my head. She walks out of the room to change into her swimsuit, and Miss J. says he wonders how many stamps it took to get her here. Jay Manuel thinks that she's gorgeous and looks a lot better in person than she does in her pictures. She struts into the room in her swimsuit. Natasha tells us that this is a model competition, and that she has a much better look than anyone there. And hey, did anyone else have someone pay $19.99 in shipping to get them home? I don't think so. Natasha is really pretty, but maybe short.

As the girls hang out informally, Kathleen traces the lineage of her subpar booty. She says that she has no butt, but has a great rack, and then unzips her hoodie and unwittingly flashes all the girls. Dude, even her boobs are too stupid to stay in her shirt. Sarah starts prattling on about how she once did a runway show and had to wear five and a half inch heels. She claims that it was Chanel, and Natasha takes some issue with this, saying that it can't be Chanel. Renee double-checks that Sarah did a Chanel fashion show, and Sarah confirms that she did. She also says it was in Cleveland, which does seem a little sketchy. Sarah interviews that Natasha was giving her the business, but that she knows what she wore. Apparently Natasha, like, watches a lot of fashion shows, and says that she doesn't remember the shoes. Maybe the five and a half inch heels didn't make it past the KGB censors? Natasha interviews, "There are girls really...masc-a-lin...and they just not supposed to be here. Why are they here?" I ask myself the same question sometimes. Natasha still thinks she's prettier than everyone as we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model




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