America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Djb: A | 546 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Camille-y Mouthed

Kyle shares with them that a model-actress hyphenate is a "double threat" in this business, and he sends them off to an acting class. See, this is practical job experience right here. But Camille will have no part of it, and what better way to have Camille's own personal struggle narrated by the always objective third-party voice of Yoanna: "Drama drama drama drama!" Except not the good kind that everyone else will be partaking in. Cut to Camille stepping out of a van with rain-streaked windows, confessionalizing all the while, "I don't want to miss out on the activity for the day, but my health comes first." Meanwhile, across town and under blazing sunshine because it's always sunny where people doing good are, the rest of the ladies make their way into a storefront that reads "Cutting Room." Ooooh, maybe that would be a good name for the elimination ceremony whats-its. They sit in a room full of empty wooden chairs facing a stage containing Tyra "I'm A Super Duper Pooper," who asks right off, "Camille, is she coming?" Catie explains that her mouth is swollen, and Tyra asks if she went to the doctor, to which Catie reflexively just answers, "Yeah." No, she didn't. She went to the Duane Reade. The one in the "Rainy" section of old New York town. Check her out when she comes in. Certainly, no doctor would prescribe Benadryl and a pack of Twizzlers, which is the only thing you would think of leaving with after a visit to the Duane Reade.

Tyra hates Camille and doesn't care, so she moves immediately on to introduce her very good friend, the acting luminary no one has ever heard of, Tasha Smith-Arqese. You know she knows what she's talking about because she sits on an authoritative stool. And because she's labeled an "actor," a gender-neutral word that points to a hyphenated last name so progressive it's never even heard of the "qu" rule. Tyra wants us to know what we're doing here: "The top models in the world know how to act," she explains, Tasha Smith-Arqese (for I feel she would insist upon being referred to by her whole name, in its entirety, all the time) picking up the cue (because that is what actors do) and continuing, "You need something going on on the inside in order to look in that camera and make people want you. To sell their product," which volleys back to Tyra rounding off, "I've done exercises with Tasha [Smith-Arqese] and I'm crying and screaming and I don't know how she got that out of me." Is it that legendary "poke-'em-with-sticks" acting technique I've heard the great Method folk talk about? "And it only makes me a better model and a better actress," Tyra adds. Whoa. I guess today's photo shoot is for the Tasha Smith-Arqese name brand, which these two model/actresses are doing a pretty smashing job of selling. And how delightfully fortuitous that Tyra's acting should be mentioned in such repeated supply the very week she makes her acting debut on a UPN sitcom the name of which is juuuuuuuuuuuust on the tip of my tongue.

America's Next Top Model

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