America's Next Top Model
The Girl Whose Lips Puffed Up

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Camille-y Mouthed

April tells Mercedes that she needs this photo to convey her personality, coming off of last week's evaluation, in which Tyra basically told April that she's a cold bitch whom nobody bothers to like much. With that poorly paraphrased memory firmly in mind, April starts to cry, and Mercedes tells us that April "is going to die of a heart attack before she gets to twenty-seven." All the way to twenty-seven? Nay! Tis an age rarely seen by even turtles or redwoods or rocks! Certainly no human being has ever lived so long!

Camille's mouth is swollen. No, really. Jay tells her that she needs to show up and do it no matter the circumstances, and he tells her, "Give it to me in your eyes. Give it to me in your energy." She's done in a hurry, and she tells us she thinks it went "extremely well." She then wonders what they'll be doing for the rest of the day, and expresses a desire to go to a doctor, which I have to say isn't the most irrational request for her ambiguously puffy lips. But before she even has a chance to stand up, Jay brings over a guy names "Kyle Hagler," who is a manager at IMG, depriving Camille a trip to receive proper medical care and making me believe that it's possible Tyra Banks is running the American health-insurance system right now.

Kyle shares with them that a model-actress hyphenate is a "double threat" in this business, and he sends them off to an acting class. See, this is practical job experience right here. But Camille will have no part of it, and what better way to have Camille's own personal struggle narrated by the always objective third-party voice of Yoanna: "Drama drama drama drama!" Except not the good kind that everyone else will be partaking in. Cut to Camille stepping out of a van with rain-streaked windows, confessionalizing all the while, "I don't want to miss out on the activity for the day, but my health comes first." Meanwhile, across town and under blazing sunshine because it's always sunny where people doing good are, the rest of the ladies make their way into a storefront that reads "Cutting Room." Ooooh, maybe that would be a good name for the elimination ceremony whats-its. They sit in a room full of empty wooden chairs facing a stage containing Tyra "I'm A Super Duper Pooper," who asks right off, "Camille, is she coming?" Catie explains that her mouth is swollen, and Tyra asks if she went to the doctor, to which Catie reflexively just answers, "Yeah." No, she didn't. She went to the Duane Reade. The one in the "Rainy" section of old New York town. Check her out when she comes in. Certainly, no doctor would prescribe Benadryl and a pack of Twizzlers, which is the only thing you would think of leaving with after a visit to the Duane Reade.

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America's Next Top Model

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