America's Next Top Model
The Girl with the Best Top Model Freakout

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The girls had a shoot in which they portrayed taxidermied heads, and one thing we didn't get to see was Kiara's softer side backstage. She cried as she had her hair and makeup done, because she had never experienced something like that before. Given her terrible home situation and long-standing dream of modeling, Kiara told us that she wants this a little bit more than the other girls. If you'll recall, the taxidermy shoot didn't go so well for poor Jessie, and she was sent home before ever really getting to show us her stuff. But she learned via Bryanboy that she had a chance to come back into the competition, and would be participating in photo shoots for six more weeks and competing with the other eliminated girls for the comeback slot. Jessie seemed vaguely excited about that, probably because it beats sitting bored in a sequestered hotel room for two months and/or going to architecture school.

Oh Lord, and then we have a Top Model trivia challenge! This one is a softball: "Whose first and last single was titled 'Shake Ya Body'?" The answer choices are Kelly Cutrone, Johnny Wujek, Tyra Banks, and Bryanboy. And, duh. Remember how all the girls had to be in Tyra's video, and she got so emotional about this new, brave step in her career? We should feel grateful that her musical aspirations were stalled so quickly, because there are a lot of words that rhyme with "smize." Prize, rise, skies, wise, guise, flies, French fries. When the answer to the trivia question is revealed to be Tyra, we get the following parenthetical bonus commentary: "(Tyra temporarily lost her mind when she thought she could be a singer.)" If you add up all the times that Tyra temporarily lost her mind, you basically get a continuously lost mind.

We move on to makeover week, which came with a twist this season: the girls could choose to opt out. And Victoria and Maria both did! Pretty much everyone realized that this was a disastrous decision, if only because you'd never hear the end of it from Tyra and Kelly. Poor Destiny got her hair chopped after growing it out for two years, and had a real complex about looking like a boy. We didn't see the extent of the tough love given to her by Kelly Cutrone, in which Kelly told her that she has an androgynous look anyway, and Tyra gave her this hair because she thought it would be an improvement. Kelly said that Destiny was being a little pouty and needed to perk up, and advised her to go outside if she was going to cry. I mean, she's not wrong on that count.

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America's Next Top Model

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